A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i just got marrried in feb of 2012 an i love my husband but i told many times to stop watching porn..i even cryed to him saying how much it hurts me ..i feel so derpressed now an he still dosent care..if its hurting me..an if not watching porn then he will look at sexy pic of girls on facebook an i really dont no what to do about this i feel like im dying inside 4rm this.. he told he just watches it to fall asleep but thats not yrue he will watch anytime of the day he can :( he'll even tell me to leave the room so he can when i ask him not to he treat me as if i did wrong an honslty i dont no what to do..*what can i do to make him stop *
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): I have to agree that there's nothing you can do to "make" him stop he has to decide that for himself but I don't see how that will happen if the "you wouldn't do it if you loved me" ploy doesn't work.
That said do read the articles person12345 has posted as they may help, you may find stuff that's useful there and may help you.
I have to say though OP if you're bothered by him looking at pictures of girls on Facebook too then what are you going to do all the nudity in TV shows, movies and magazines? Sexy pictures are in everything these days. If he gets rid of porn, then he'll just Facebook, if you ban Facebook then he'll just Game of Thrones to jack off, get rid of that and he'll use your magazines. He's always going to have an eye for other women OP, he's not blind and he will find other girls attractive and nice to look at.
OP why did you marry a guy who does something that really hurts you and refuses to stop? If he doesn't care about hurting you then why are you with him? I wouldn't date someone like that let alone marry him, so I don't understand why so many women insist on getting into relationships and staying in them when their guy uses and likes porn and they hate it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): I absolutely hate my boyfriends using porn! Have you asked why and talked properly? You might have to give him an ultimatum. No man stops looking at porn easily, the first boyfriend I had loved the stuff took him months to stop even though i think he didn't, he was just like "you can look but you can't touch" so you are not alone in this. It took some moaning with my new boyfriend. Is he using it for masturbation? Try taking some pics for him. I took some and my boyfriend liked them! Those women are airbrushed alot of women would look good with the work they've had done.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): Agree with person12345 that "[t]elling women that there's nothing they can do about porn use . . . is ridiculous" and "[t]here is zero difference between asking him not to use porn and asking him to be monogamous."However, OP's specific question is "What can I do to MAKE my husband stop watching porn?" and unfortunately anon female's specific answer of "nothing" is indeed the only applicable answer to OP's question as posed. OP has repeatedly made her feelings known and hubby has chosen to respond by employing all the tactics cited in the provided links. As stated in the webpage, only OP can decide whether or not hubby's continuing porn usage is grounds for leaving him. OP can avail herself to all possible sources of information, help, and support but that doesn't change the physical reality that she can't "make" hubby do anything he doesn't want to do on his own. As a guy, I personally find porn offensive and degrading. Commercial sex is a male-dominated industry profiting from an overwhelmingly male audience by objectifying, exploiting, and ultimately discarding women, often from abusive backgrounds and suffering from substance abuse or other severe psychological problems as a result. However, as a businessman I realize porn operates under the same basic principle as any other industry: supply and demand. Nobody goes into the commercial sex business expecting to lose money by investing in a product for which no market exists. Sadly, there are millions of Mr. OP's out there, and there are thousands of shady amoral hucksters willing to sell their souls for easy money by catering to their ignorance, debauchery and warped conception of what defines a man. That's not going to change any time soon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): I'm not saying the OP is wrong to feel upset at her husband's porn use. I'm just saying that, practically speaking, she herself cannot control him to "make" him stop. It's just not possible to make another person change against their will, unless she has magic powers of mind-control that no one else has.I agree she should set limits if she finds this unacceptable. Hence my suggestion that divorce not be ruled out. Divorce is the ultimate limit. if you're not prepared to go all the way and terminate the marriage if your husband doesn't stop his offensive behavior, then no amount of talk about 'setting limits' carries any weight to the partner who's violating the terms of the relationship. if OP is going to set limits on her husband's porn use, she has to be willing to back it up. What if she sets limits and he blatantly disregards them? Then what? If she is not prepared to back it up by divorcing if the husband continues his porn use after she has made it clear it's unacceptable (and many women are not actually prepared to back up their tough talk about limits because they are not willing to be on their own and single again no matter how much the husband violates the marriage) then the only other option is to accept what he is doing so she can stay married to him.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 May 2012):
 http://stoppornculture.org/q-a/
http://www.healthysex.com/page/the-porn-trap
There are several links in my profile as well that you would probably find useful.
Telling women that there's nothing they can do about porn use and that they are controlling and "monsters" for trying to set parameters in the relationship is ridiculous. There is zero difference between asking him not to use porn and asking him to be monogamous. In fact asking someone to be monogamous is WAY more controlling of someone's sexuality.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but there is NOTHING you can do to make him stop permanently and without creating other fall out in your marriage.You might apply enough pressure on him that he will stop long enough just to escape that misery you're inflicting on him. yes I know you feel that he is inflicting misery on you first, but really it's different because what he is perfectly happy to keep his "stuff" to himself but what you would be doing is invading his personal space trying to make him change his behavior to suit you. Types of pressure you can apply include anything that makes him feel bad: using guilt-tripping, crying, screaming, accusing, telling him he's "bad" for doing it, shaming him. etc. You can also turn into a monster about monitoring his every move online and creating drama and misery for him every time you find something. If you apply enough of such pressure to him, he may stop but it will only be temporary. Temporary can mean: a few days, weeks, months, or even a few years! But it will never be permanent because he deep down doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong he's only stopping to get your off his case, he's only stopping because its' in his best interests for the moment. So if he can find a better way to get you off his case while still indulging himself and serving his own interests - such as by being better at hiding the evidence - he will do that. and it's only a matter of time.And then there's negative consequences to "making" him stop against his will. Even if he does temporarily, it will be replaced by resentment towards you. resentment that you made him stop something he really wanted to do and that he was getting a lot of satisfaction from. This will not be good for your relationship because resentment builds walls between people. And this is even if he stops at all.Then again, he may not stop even temporarily. Instead he may simply become better at hiding it from you and then lying about it so he wont' get into trouble. He may take the attitude of "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." So he can tell himself that he truly cares about you and that's why he's hiding it from you. Again, the secrets and lies will themselves take on a life of their own be toxic for your relationship regardless of what they are about. And if you were naive enough to believe that he did stop just because you "made" him, one day in the future when you find new evidence you will be back to where you are right now, maybe even more upset because of the added lies built up by then.So in short, you have to accept that you cannot make him stop. He will only stop if he wants to, if he has a change of attitude by himself. If he doesn't (and he may never), you can only learn to accept it and change your way of thinking about it so it doesn't hurt you so much (because after all it's how you think about it that makes you upset), or if you believe this is a deal breaker then you may be better off divorcing him. You can't change someone else, you have a much better chance of changing yourself. If you can't change yourself and your way of thinking, it's even less likely that you will change him and his way of thinking.This is one of those issues where you just can't change your partner. When you decide to marry someone, you have to consider if they are someone you can live with. If they have "deal breaker" type of behaviors then you shouldn't have married him in the first place. You don't marry someone only to then NEED them to change for you. If you've always made clear that this would be a deal breaker and you never knew he had this habit until now, then I think divorce is a very valid option because you basically married someone who was not who you thought he was.
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