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male
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*alford24
writes: I have been married for 2 years now. My wife is Japanese. I can't make her cum. When we have sex we can't try different position because I hurt my wife. I just wanted to know how we can help and work out this problem and what can I do to help the situation.Cheers
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female
reader, iggyzap +, writes (20 November 2005):
to climax i find it more stimulating to get oral sex and for my bf to gently rub my clit with the flesh of his finger(not the tip)in a smooth circular motion while (not to sound gross)but while licking my anus. and sometime gently (and i mean gently) easing a finger into my anus, while stimulating my clit. after climaxing like that i usually climax again with penatration.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): use astroglide when you penetrate. before sex, give her oral. stay down there untill she cums. dont get too excited because you dont want to get rough. take you time. when she starts to get close use a finger (only 1) inside her, behind her clit.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (14 November 2005):
 I suggest you use a vibrator,and hope for the best,seriously though,havent you heard of foreplay? Or is it wam bam thank you mam! It sounds to me, that she is completely bone dry when you enter her.Stop thinking about your own pleasure and read up on some books on how to please a woman.Good luck,your going to need it!
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A
female
reader, Juliette +, writes (13 November 2005):
 One of the main problems I have encountered is a man focuses too much on the clitoris which is extremely sensitive. It doesn't necessarily work by direct contact, but VERY gentle stroking around it. If necessary use a cream to ensure she is as slippy as possible, don't try to use your penis. Just lie side by side with no intention of penetration and let her just touch you. No matter how hard you think you need it, even if it means taking her hands off gently, just VERY gently stroke between her legs as if she was a kitten (no pun intended). Believe me, it could take an hour doing this. I can guarrantee that when she is feeling the need she will spread her legs as if she wants you to go inside her, BUT DON'T, just keep her frustration building by stroking with three broad fingers, not one, back and forth. You could try using an electric toothbrush with a condom over the end AND WITH VERY LITTLE PRESSURE, it is a bit like a vibrator. Of course, she has to feel comfortable with you doing these things, and even being married has no guarantee she is uninhibitied enough to explore herself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): How idd you hurt your wife? Isn't that a very important thing for us to know before we can help you? You can't give her an orgasm, if she doesn't want one, or doesn't even know what it is. So, the issue begins with her. She has to learn her own body, and what makes her excited enough to climax. When she learns this, then it is her job to teach you how to do that for her. Your job is to listen and follow her instructions. Once you have them down, then play together, and while you ar having fun, take her to her orgasm. If you make this serious work, an orgasm is not likely to happen. Her job, by the way,is to have you teach her how to pleasure you, and follow your instructions. Both of you need to be talking during sex play telling each other what you are feeling as the other stimulates you. That oral feedback is absolutely necessary if your partner is going to learn how to pleasure you, over and over again. And, don't quit with the first orgasm. Women can have dozens every day, without missing a beat, and men can and do have more than one orgasm, too. Sex is about playing with each other, and having fun while experiencing intimacy with each other's body. You are each in charge of your own orgasm. But sex is where you both can orgasm with each other. If you do something wrong, tell your wife to be a good teacher, and make you do it again! You will eventually get it right.
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A
female
reader, Forthright +, writes (13 November 2005):
I'm going to give a few options but without more info these are hints and you'll have to see what works for the two of you.
First - don't think that you have to 'make' her cum, this is probably pressurising her, and there's nothing like feeling you have to orgasm to make it impossible to do so
Second, most women find it easier to orgasm through non-penetrative methods rather than sex itself, so perhaps you could focus on sex play instead - i would particularly recommend going down on your wife, and be prepared to stay down there for a long, long time. And remember to start slowly, don't neglect kissing and other emotional contact. Perhaps a massage to relax her?
In terms of positions, I assume you sometimes hurt your wife because you are, ahem, well proportioned and she is quite small. First, more sex play may help to prepare your wife better for penetration. Second, be more in control of your thrusting - as if she had you in her mouth, you wouldn't just go for it then would you? Third, try positions where she is in control not you eg. on top with you sitting, or you lying down. If you are on top/in control, change the angle you are using so perhaps her legs are more in line with her body rather than at right angles. Also try it with her legs together and yours apart, that way there is more friction and less depth.
Hope this helps.
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