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age
36-40,
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writes: Hey guys my girlfriend wants me to be more dominant, assertive and aggressive (in a good way). I can be when I need to be but am naturally a timid, shy guy, like if she doesn't want to do something I won't push the subject.what do I need to do be more dominant etc..
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys cheers
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 "Dominance" is about projecting confidence. It's a state of mind that comes intuitively through actions and body language.
To build your physical and mental confidence I recommend taking up a martial art. This is great for grounding you and taking away your shyness. If this doesn't appeal, some kind of relatively aggressive physical sport will also help.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 I have the hunch that what happens here is that you don't want to be a bastard and don't want to control and monopolize everything, and therefore you appear as shy and lacking in initiative. Now, anyone has to stand his own ground; do that, and you'll see it works.
Sometimes her not wanting to do something will be irrational. Stand your ground in such cases, for example.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): Is she asking you to ALWAYS take the lead or just take the lead more often?
Is she asking you to be more assertive so you are a challenge to her or because she wants to take a step back and be more submissive?
Is she asking you to be more aggressive overall or just in the bedroom?
I hope your gf is being more specific with her request.
If you are usually shy, start with simple things. Be the one to offer dates first, make the first move with affection, when in crowds, use "protective" body language to make her feel secure and safe (holding her hand, arm around her, etc).
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A
male
reader, Greasy  +, writes (4 July 2011):
Hi sh,
I'm not sure if you're just talking about her wanting you to be more dominant during sex, or more 'alpha-male'-ish in general. If it's just during sex, I'd say set up a safe word or the like w/her in advance then gradually ramp things up. What those precise things are is what you ought to talk to your g/f about (when you're not actually having sex). The combination of a safe word and a defined set of behaviours will likely make pleasing her in that way a bit more comfortable for you (since, ultimately, you're aversion to dominating her stems from the fact that, well, you want to treat her nice - nothing wrong with that, but if she likes to be freaky you may as well try things out eh!)
Sex aside, my answer is different if she wants you to be more dominant in general. No-one in any situation should feel like they have to change for anyone else, or at least not having to increases the odds that you'll be happy in the future. You are who you are, and if she doesn't like it, then she chose the wrong guy - it's as simple as that. By the same token, you shouldn't expect her to change in any way: part of love is acceptance of who people are.
So to sum up: if you're talking about you & your g/f's sex lives only, ask for some specific behaviours she likes then establish a safe word, and go ahead & broaden your horizons. If you're saying that your g/f wants you to change who you are, tell her no.
Hope that helps & good luck!
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