A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been together with my boyfriend going on 3 years now. We're both in college and have been together since high school. He admitted to me about a year ago that he was molested by his babysitter's son while in elementary school. This happened multiple times and I don't know the details because I did not feel it was appropriate for me to ask unless he was willing to tell me first.So now I've got all of these questions swimming around in my head, especially after having been to this site. My boyfriend can be controlling at times and is very insecure but he hides it. I'm assuming this stems from his being molested? I never really realized that until recently, though.Is there a way I can talk to him about this, and should I even be talking to him about this? I am really not sure how to go about this but I love him so much and I don't want him to be hurting because he has kept this inside for so many years. I can only imagine the pain and confusion it has caused him and I want to help him move past this. I know I can't "fix" it for him so that is why I'm here. What CAN I do for him and what can I NOT do?Basically what I'm asking is: How do I handle a situation in which my boyfriend was molested when he was younger? I have never brought it up because I don't want to remind him of something that he may be trying to forget, but I feel this is something you cannot repress but have to move past. Am I right? Does he have to figure this out on his own? Is it possible that this doesn't even effect him that much? We have had an issue in the past where he tried a few drugs (acid, xanax, ecstacy) behind my back and I am assuming it was to help deal with some pain because it was during a fight about this that he broke down and told me what happened to him. I can't let his inner demons destroy our relationship and I want to help him, not hurt him. Would it be appropriate to buy him some self help books? Anything at all I can do?
View related questions:
drugs, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your answer. I am trying to find a way to talk to him about this without hurting his feelings as he can be very sensitive sometimes. I am afraid he's going to tell me he doesn't need therapy, which I know is completely false because he has EXTREME trust issues.Thanks again, I hope things work out as well and he doesn't refuse this help. If he refuses help I won't be able to continue our relationship because his trust issues are just too much and he is causing me to have major trust issues of my own by doing things behind my back to "self-medicate."
|
