A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm not used to dating, as I married young and I guess never learned stuff that most people do while I was worrying about other things.Last week I had my first date since my divorce. It took me a long time to agree to it (about a year!), but in the end his persistence paid off and I decided if he was willing to keep asking after being knocked back so many times he must really like me.We had a wonderful evening and he drove me home after. Being polite I asked if he wanted a coffee before driving home, and I really did mean just a coffee, but one thing led to another and we ended up making love. Afterwards I was shocked I would do such a thing so quickly, but it felt right and this is 2008 so I decided no harm done.Since then he has sent me lots of messages asking about seeing me again but they have all contained quite sexual references. I am now worried that he just sees me as a good time girl, and was never really interested in anything else. I emailed him trying to say I wasn't interested in just "having fun", and that I was looking for a serious relationship but he seems to have ignored that.I don't want to scare him off by sounding like I am getting too serious about "us", or by sounding frigid, but nor do I want to see him if he's only after one thing.Do I just write this off to experience, learn my lesson and make sure with the next man I date I don't let things get carried away?Or is he just being a normal man, and the chances are he does like me for me, and I am just being a bit prudish about his comments?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I agree with the male poster below. While you should eventually talk to him about having a relationship, I feel that after ONE date having the relationship talk is coming on way too strong - I mean, Think about if from a guy's perspective - you spent a year chasing a woman whos consistently ignored you, you go on one date and hook up one time and now all of a sudden you're talking about developing a relationship? Whats next.. marriage and kids? I think thats great if he's very mature, if he's not, chances are, he's gonna get scared. Especially when you spent such a long time chasing the goods, having them presented immeditaly to you is kind of overwhelming, no? You kind of need to be eased into it..
So go out on dates with him, be fun and flirty, tell him you have fun with him and like spending time with him. You don't have to have sex with him, you don't have to do anything physical with him. If he's pressuring you into it, politely tell him that you think he's wonderful but want to take it slow and are not in a rush. Even better, set up lunch dates or something along those lines where you can't even end up having sex with him. His true colors will come out right away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): I think he does like you, but he also has a strong physical attraction to you. He probably enjoyed your after coffee thing... and that's why he's referring to sexual innuendos.
If you want a serious relationship, ask him out for coffee (in a cafe) and tell him you're not in it for the sex and you want a proper relationship and if hes not up for it then tell him you don't want anything to happen between you and that you want something serious.
I hope everything works out for you.xx :)
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