A
female
age
36-40,
*heotherwoman01
writes:I'm a 25 year old woman who is in love with a married man. We practically live a married life together as we both work away from home in the construction industry and we spend 40 weeks together of the year and he goes home to his wife 12 weeks out of the year. Even when we are both at home he makes time to see meI would like some advice on what to do with him? He's been married for 5 years but he constantly tells me he doesnt love his wife anymore. They were seperated for a year and we got together within 6 months of that seperation. I feel that he's my soul mate and I know that GOD made him for me and me only. We've been together now for almost a year, and within the first 3 months of our affair, he found out his wife was pregnant by mistake. He sends all these different mixed messages to me all the time, like one day he says he leaving everything behind to be with me and then the next day he says he can't leave. He says he's unhappy with her, and the rest of that nonsense but I don't understand why he can't be a man about the situation and either tell his wife what is going on and just leave me alone.I know I am wrong for even being with him because he is married, but they weren't together when we did, so does that still make me a bad person??I love him dearly and my life is nothing without him but I don't know if I can cope with all of this anymore. Can anyone make any suggestions?
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affair, married man, mixed messages, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): well its past christmas now and pretty much left with the same answers constantly...
He's has asked me what I want him to do and for the first time I've finally been selfish and said I want him to myself and leave his wife for good....Apparently I'll have my answer in the next week or so.
His son is due in Febuary 09 so my answer is going to be this, if he doesnt give me what I want by then, then I'm out the door cos like kurayami3nobara said, that he has to lose one of us.....
I'm fully prepared to walk out of this without a guilty conscience cos in my heart and in my mind, he was always mine....................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): If God made him for you why is he still married, why was he still having sex with his wife for her to get pregnant in the first 3 months of your affair,so he sleeps with his wife and you, you call it a mistake she fell pregnant, I take it it was a mistake to still have intercourse, ejaculate in his wife knowing that she may get preganant all one big mistake, he is having an affair that is a mistake, sounds like you love a man who makes lots of mistakes, will he eventually think you are one big mistake, problably after his wife falls pregnant again and he will tell you that is another mistake,what a sad life he protrays, wake up girl and look at the future. No wonder he sends you mixed messages he is lie'ing to everyone, you most of all, your judgement is clouded by your feelings and the longer you hang about waiting the more you wil be hurt, rejected and lose precious days in life, life is to short to hang about waiting on someone who is having an affair and won't commit to you, you will always be second best, he will use excuses like his home family, work and freinds as a way of not leaving to be with you, do you really think that is what TRUE LOVE is all about, if you do think that then hang about and wait, but the outcome will always be the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): He's married with at child! Leave the man alone. You act like this man has power over you! He stepped in fron of an altar with his wife and made a sacred vow in front of God. LET KNOW MAN STAND BETWEEN THAT! (that means you)
Just because he's not happy with her is not your fault! You need to get a hold of yourself and say no! I'm not doing this anymore b/c girl. This is called adultry! You know it's not right and you feel it. God, is really pushing down on you b/c you are having doubts about him! Take my advice and leave. and you know what don't think about your feelings or that mans. think about his baby and his wife. do you really want to come between a babies family? Go to Church. Read the Bible. Talk to God. He will lead you in the right direction!
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A
female
reader, kurayami3nobara  +, writes (16 December 2008):
Ask him why he hasn't filed for divorce. You aren't a bad person... When you started out(because he and his wife were separated), that wasn't bad. However, it became a bad situation when he continued to date you when he got back together with his wife.
Tell him how much this is hurting you. Ask him to divorce her, if he truly doesn't want to be with her. Since he hadn't divorced her yet, you might want to say that you're forced to come to the conclusion that he values his marriage with her(albeit 12 weeks out of the year) more than his relationship with you.
Ask him why he hasn't left her, yet. He needs to suck it up and make a decision. Neither of you(you or his wife, even if she 'doesn't know' she'll suspect something since he's gone so much) deserve to suffer like this. He is being very selfish by not choosing. He has to lose one of you.
I hope he chooses you, but you have to prepare for the chance that it may be his wife he chooses. You need to start thinking about what life would be like without him. I know you can do it! It's really not a healthy situation, and I wish you all the best...
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