A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, hope this isnt too long. Some background...my boyfriend and I have been together for one year now. For the past month or so he has been acting rather strange and very distant. He didnt seem to want to spend any time with me, I got the feeling as though my presence was just irritating, he no longer wanted to be intimate and was no longer affectionate. He has been snapping at me for the most mundane things and the things he says are very hurtful. I have asked him what is wrong repeatedly and got no valid responses. Today everything came to a head today when he snapped at me for not responding to a question he asked me "in time" coz my attention was distracted whilst cooking. The fight escalated when I said his behaviour is not becoming of a good partner and that I needed him to make me happy instead of miserable. After going round in circles for a while he finally said I have been selfish and always thinking about myself coz the real issue is that his mother had a stroke about a month or so ago that has left her paralysed on one side and it is not looking good for her and with that he stormed out. My question is should I be feeling guilty for asking him to be a better partner, am I really selfish? I am not a mind reader I can't magically know what is going on with him and even if I did know about his mother I dont think that allows him to treat me as his punching bag. What am I supposed to do to be a supportive girlfriend during a rough period like this without allowing myself to be used as a punching bag. Thanks for reading!
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 you're not selfish but clearly he is not coming to terms with things and is very worried and anxious. maybe try and make allowances for his temper if it is recent along with his mothers stroke. people act out under stress and watching a parent get very ill is stressfull and does make you think you may lose them. being a man we can guess he is poor at expalaining his emotional reactions and lacks self understanding.
i dont think he is an arse, i think he is under a lot of emotional strain and is dealing with it in a masculine fashion (showing emotional immaturity). be female and rise above it... women are more mature with emotional reactions on AVERAGE and as result can find behaviour's strange when it not what they themsleves would do.
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