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We've both matured and are still good friends. Think we should try dating again?

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Question - (29 April 2006) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

hi i am 15 and i have split up with my boyfriend of 2 months. we broke up 2 months ago cos we thought we were just too young and didnt want the stress of a relationship. Also we didnt see each other much cos we dont go to the same school and were very shy to phone each other. Since then we have grown close and stayed good friends, we get on really well. do u think he would go out with me again? just try again cos we have both grown up now and he hasnt got a g/f and i havent got a b/f. Also we are much more confident around each other than before and i know i would contact him to arrange to meet up all the time.

thank you

View related questions: broke up, shy, split up

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2006):

Country Woman agony auntJust take things slowly this time, you may feel more grown and by spending time with one another you feel more comfortable around each other then that is great.

Who initiated the dating before? Was it you or him?

Don't rush into anything right now as it has only been 2 months, continue to keep contact and perhaps just make him aware that you would not refuse him if he asked you out again.

Let him do the running as it is a male thing and it is all part of the chase.

If he doesn't seem to get the message then think again and say do you think you would like to try again as I feel so much closer to you and much more comfortable around you.

First though, I think carry on as you are and just give out a few more signals that you are available and you like him a lot.

Start texting him or ringing him and then this will not be a barrier in the future if you do get together, start slowly and you will be surprised at how quickly things will progress.

BFN

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006):

You have grown up and matured in two months? If it didn't work out two months ago, its not going to work out now, is it? Its good that you've stayed friends but I'd leave it a year or two and explore a bit. The problem with teenagers these days is that most of them are just - We're going out, so we must love each other and spend the rest of our lives together. Romantic, yes, but realistic, no. With this attitude you will never discover anything other than this guy alone. There are probably people out there better suited to you.

Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006):

Nobody grows up in 2 months. You're not supposed to - that's what the rest of your teens are for, silly.

That said, you may very well have addressed some of the things that were problems before, and if you have, that's good. Before you consider trying to date him again, though, consider the possible benefit of having a very close guy friend. Think hard about which you'd rather have him as. If the main reason you want to transition your friendship with him is just b/c you don't have a bf and want one, I'd advise you to reconsider. There's loads of time down the road for dating. For now, you're probably better off not locking yourself into something like that - your hormones and worldviews and ideas are all SUPPOSED to be changing right now - that's how people really do grow. If you try to force yourself to stay the same (and once you're in a 'relationship' that's all too often what happens), you'll miss out on some of those growing opportunities.

Of course, if you're anything like I was at 15, I'm sure you'll completely ignore this email and call the cute boy to see about a date. And there's nothing wrong with that either; just remember, if it turns out to look like a mistake, in hindsight, that even those are part of learning and growing up, so cut yourself some slack. Good luck, and have fun!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006):

Well I can't see why not really can you? Sounds like you could be quite serious about this guy and him about you. I think it was a clever move splitting up when you didn't think you were ready. But if you have both matured and it's a mutual choice then sure get back together. If it's something you've just decided now, then I'm sure if you two are as close as you sound you could always discuss and find out if he wants the same now that you feel more ready to.

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A female reader, Mama +, writes (30 April 2006):

Hi,

Yes do make a date, ask him out, but take it easy. You don't want to scare him away. Just enjoy your company you have, share those special moments, but be careful. Sometimes love can sweep you off your feet too quickly. You are still very young. I am sure you are a nice well brought up girl,he knows you are,treasure your youth don't grow up too fast xxxxx.

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