A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for just over a year. When it all first started out he had a gf, so as you can imagine my friends don't have a very high opinion of this guy. I know it was a crappy thing to do but I didn't care, it was just sex.He's now split up with gf and we've been sleeping together again. He blows hot and cold with me, which is fine I don't mind; after all I'm not looking for a relationship, especially with him. I'm just a little confused, I woke up at his house on Sunday and we done a lot of kissing and cuddling (which we don't do) and spent the majority of the day in bed (another thing we don't do) and I haven't heard from him since? Thats not unusual as we don't usually speak until closer to the weekend but I'm just a bit confused after what happened on Sunday.My friends say that he's only using me for sex but I'm doing the same to him, so why are they making out like its ok for me to do it but not him?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Your friends are against him because he is a low down disgusting trash bag cheater. If he mistreats the woman he professed to have feelings for, how much more will he mistreat you?
The fact that you are "confused" means you're gonna get shattered by him. Those bonding chemicals are kicking in with him, and you're going to develop feelings for him, and when he tosses you aside like a used condom, you're going to pretend it was just you using him too, but you're gonna get hurt.
Your friends know this too. FWB is never a good idea. Cheating is a worse idea.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): This is just a simple double standard against men, that's all. Women in FWBs are assumed not to be the one using or hurting anyone's feelings. But men in FWBs are assumed to be using women and hurting their feelings unless proven otherwise.
Many people have a hard time grasping the situation for what it is. These days people are brought up to believe that men couldn't possibly be the victim of any sort of sexual double standards. But this one (as well as some others) very clearly do exist.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (18 June 2013):
I think you are pretty young to be using someone for sex. I think the act of sex is a big commitment. There is a lot more invovled then the physical act. Females are wired different then males. We need the cuddling, the kissing, the touching.
I think you need to take a step back and evaluate who you are and what your needs are. This guy does not care about you or his girlfriend at the time. It tells me the lack of respect he has for you or females in general. Stop committing this act. There is so much more involved then "Whatever". We are not built that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): OP, you're welcome to have casual sex as you please - but have some respect for other people's relationships. He might have been the one betraying his partner but you were an accomplice. That was a nasty thing to do that you could easily have avoided.You say it's just sex for you so why does it matter that you cuddled and stayed in bed all day? Why are you expecting him to call you earlier than he usually does?And OP, no one is 'using' anyone here. You've both agreed to a no strings attached relationship so there's no unfair trade going on.You've having sex NOT using each other for sex. You only 'use' someone if they don't get something equal in return.Your friends have probably picked up on the fact that this 'hot and cold' business is affecting you so they don't think you're getting what you really want from this arrangement even if you're not admitting it to yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): Because they know you and if it was just sex then you wouldn't even need to ask us these questions, especially the bit about them not being things you don't do. Why would you be confused about that? That's just normal fuck buddy stuff, the fact he only started doing that now is because he no longer has a girlfriend to do those things with but he has you feed that.
Your friends probably all suspect this is more to you than you let on, and frankly they're probably right. Otherwise why would you give a damn what they think? Seems to be cutting a little too deep for such a casual thing.
OP another point you should consider, when have you ever known any good friend to be happy that their friend is dating a cheater or like that person?
They're loyalty is to you, they're not going to judge you but they can and have every right to judge him.
Because while you're "fine" with him being hot and cold, your friends don't have to tolerate their friend being treated like meat by a guy. How you don't get that I'll don't understand. It's called friendship OP, you look after them, you hate the people who treat them badly and you don't judge them for their mistakes. Sounds like you have good friends to me OP and if you don't care about him then why is it important to you what they think of him, enough that you would come to us for advice?
I think you're lying to yourself OP. This is a lot less casual than you're trying to make out. You don't mind a guy playing hot and cold? really? I expect consistency and respect from my fuck buddies, not games of hot and cold. You're either down to fuck or you're not, but I will not have some hot and cold bullshit.
OP be grateful they blame him, it means they don't want to view you as much of a bitch as you were to cheat with him. Simple as that. You may find if they blame you equally, or if they truly understood what you're like if you really don't care then they'll never trust you around their boyfriends again because you don't respect the relationships of others when it comes to you wanting sex.
Ignorance is bliss OP, don't fight too hard to show then your true colours or they'll quickly start to not like you being near any of their men.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Ok so is your question about what your friends think and say or is it about what happened on Sunday with your FWB and is it becoming more?
As for your friends comments, they are entitled to their opinions and if you do not agree and do not want to hear those opinions just tell them... "I understand your point of view and I think it's better if we do not discuss the situation." that solves your friends problem.
YOU say you are are using him for sex but if that's the case why does what happened Sunday confuse you?
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