A
female
age
51-59,
*azzGrl1971
writes: I am 39 and have a male friend that I had since I was 11 that every few years we get back in touch. I spend my entire life practically up my boyfriend's a$*, but I'm happy. Actually people consider us the perfect couple because we are a couple that actually likes being with each other all the time. Through the years we argue maybe 1-2 times a year. Anyway, A few years back during 1 of the get in touch emails from my friend he had told me that he had gotten married, bought a house and had 2 kids. I was so upset. I always refer to him as my best friend, (after boyfriend of course) and I was so offended because along with those 3 things in life the only other milestone is to graduate from college. I figured that I'm walking around referring to him as my best friend and he went off and did all these special things and didn't even drop me an email to say well come out and celebrate with me. I have no feelings and never have for this man and to me he's actually my "girlfriend", I have so much fun talking crap with him. Anyway, I told him my feeling about all of that and said something to the effect of "I love you 2 death and this is how you treat your best friend?". My boyfriend saw that email and flipped out. I didn't speak back to my friend for a couple of years because my feelings were hurt. More time than I realized went by because things get busy when you're grown up. Anyway, I started working in the city and on my b'day 7 mths later I get a text from my friend telling me happy birthday. I was so happy and also found out that he worked 10 blocks a way and passed my job every day. we spent about 1 mth walking to the train together, ( taking different trains) and texting while on the train. For no apparent reason, whenever I get off the train or from Friday night to Monday when I go back to work we don't talk or text, without even prearranging this. But this is a normal behavior for me. So, the Friday b4 halloween I was texting on the train and was trying to get him to give his wife some alone time and spend some time with his 2 kids (both under 6yrs) and take them trick or treating. He said no. My response was, "if I was your wife I would have you better trained than that". Oh boy, when he saw this text, (because I don't hide my phone or email or ANYTHING) I won';t even get in2 the blow up. My boyfriend has taken these 2 things and dumped me after many many arguments telling me I'm cheating. I don't know what to do because I love him more than anything, more than anybody I've ever loved and refuse to move out of the house because I didn't do anything. Is this going to get better? Am I impossible? I have totally calmed down our contact to a few times a month but that doesn't help either. what should I do?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 September 2011):
 Something seems to be missing here. You say you only have 1-2 arguments a year..so at what point did he stop trusting you? What happened in order for him to lose all trust in you (prior to those texts)?
You say your stuck up his rear, it's obviously time to remove yourself. He dumped you and wants you to move out. If he's paying the rent and his name is on the lease/deed then he can kick you out. Personally, I wouldn't want to stay in a house where I'm not wanted. Time to move out and get your own place, or crash with a family member or friend for the time being.
Some time apart can actually benefit a relationship. Give him time to miss and want you back. He can't miss you if he's with you 24-7. Maybe he'll eventually come around and realize this guy is nothing but your friend. Or he'll still be a controlling boyfriend. In that case, accept the break up.
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