A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off, I'd like to like to state that being as this is anonymous I want to be as honest as possible. Sorry if i sound like an ass or not.. and honest / constructive feedback is appreciated!I have a girlfriend I recently met about 6 months ago. We hit it off from the start, and we started hanging out and hooking up etc.Over time I've been wondering about her past, since we both see this going somewhere. However, as much as I'd like to deny it, I still have doubts. It mainly has to do with the information she gives. I understand she doesn't need to share everything with me, but asking about the guy she was just with a month before - doesn't seem like I'm going to far. For whatever reason, she just shrugs it off and gets quiet. I ask about the relationship, and she said there was hardly anything they just hooked up (had sex).. Here's the thing that's been bugging me, Through social networks and pictures, I've found multiple people she was getting with within a few months of us getting together. She has numerous pictures with herself all over other guys.. and it's honestly making me sick seeing them and wondering about who she really is. "Before me" - she claims she never thought of marriage or kids because she hadn't found the one.. but she says i am. We go to separate colleges, so I start getting worried that she is keeping things from me about certain men at her school that she talks to. I really need to know, am I being overly jealous or is there some truth in my doubt? I realize I can't really know unless I ask, but her and her friends keep quiet around others. Asking her leads to me feeling like I'm being jealous or just plain nosey. However.. I can't feel obligated to understand what makes her tick, especially if she's all about getting out there and playing the field. I don't want someone who is only settling with me because she thinks there's nothing she can get better. How do i know? What can I do..? Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I'm in a very similar situation to you. I am almost obsessed with her past, but only with the guys who still popped into her life while I was with her. One guy she was going to have over (as a friend), but I know he had other ideas. Anyway, I still obsess over it a bit. Like you, I need to know detail to ensure I know who she is. I will probably never know all the guys she fooled around with, but I can tell you this...you can usually be sure an experienced woman will not "settle". She has the ability to seduce the men she wants, knows what she likes and doesn't like, and if she's been in and out of relationships or hook ups, she has the guts to break it off if she's not happy. She wants you! She has become committed to you. That is a clear sign she is serious, and you are the one. Don't screw things up over teh "not knowing" part. ALL women have secrets. ALL women have the "list" in their head of special guys, special sexual moments, etc...you aren't competing with that just because its there. She is entitled to her memories, and has no obligation to share every detail with you...and she wont if she feels persecuted or even uncomfortable doing so. Obsess over the good stuff...how she worships YOU!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): It seems like you are jealous and nosey, so it's better to admit that to her. However, to be jealous and nosey might be normal in this situation. I think that you should ask her all about her past, just to get to know her better. And also to share your own past with her. I also recommend taking it slow with "seeing it going somewhere". You need to figure out if you can eventually bring yourself to trust this girl or not.
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