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male
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*es
writes: i secretly looked at my girlfriends phone , and saw that she was texting and calling another man . i cant confront her because she ll know i looked on her phone , its cutting me up as we are planning on getting married
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Do you know who this other guy is? Maybe he's just a friend and nothing more. Do you know who her friends are? Maybe it's a co-worker. No need to confront her but maybe just get to know her a tad better. Have a long talk about your friendships and see if she mentions this other guy. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 You are planning on getting married. You need to be able to be open with each other. This is a good opportunity to work on this:
- Tell her you looked at her phone. Tell her WHY you looked. This means you need to know why you looked. Why did you? What triggered your need? Be HONEST with yourself. If you find it, admit to yourself and her your fears, insecurities, pride, jealousy, and whatever else is there
- Tell her what you saw. Tell her how it made you feel. Do not accuse her of anything. Do not start a fight. Stick to talking about yourself only, and about how you felt / feel in particular. "it made me feel ..."
- See what she says about it. Try to keep an open mind and not to judge. Let her have her say without you interrupting or pre-judging. You don't just want 'the facts', you want to know how she feels about it.
If you two are going to have a sucessful marriage you need to be able to be open and truthful with each other. These are the building blocks of trust. See this as an opportunity towards greater intimacy. I hope her answer is what you are hoping for
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): you must of had doubts in the first place if you were looking through her phone ! partners shouldnt have secrets,so i suggest you talk to her about it or wait to see if she tells you,you could drop a hint maybe!
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