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We're both over 18, so what can I do about my infatuation with my teacher?

Tagged as: Age differences, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 May 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 May 2006)
A male , anonymous writes:

Hi

I'm head over heels in love with my religion teacher. She is new in the school and she is only 23. I'm 18, which has only got my hopes up even more. She never did anything with us in her classes because we don't have to learn religion for our exams. She is not your average teacher, she is relaxed, laid back and well, because she is so young, kind of like us so everyone likes her.

No doubt in answering this question someone will think of her position of power, let me tell you something first then, here in Ireland teachers have no power lol :). Seriously they're respected, but she would not be abusing her position if anything did happen.

She is absolutely beautiful, a wonderful smile, a perfect body, enthralling hair and the best personality. Shes been at the school a year now and I've had these feelings since I first saw her. I'm not obsessed with her, I've had girls in between but I always keep thinking of her.

It's near the end of the year and no-one knows if she will be here next year or not, it will be my last year then. If she was going to be here I would wait till then and tell her on the last day perhaps, so I wouldn't ruin anything. But as it stands I can't be sure if she will be here next year so I can't stop thinking whether I should tell her or not.

I could do it in a letter or straight up front or something like that, but I don't want to ruin it if she says no and doesn't feel comfortable if she does stay next year.

I know I shouldn't be even thinking these things but I just can't help it. My mind says 'no, it will never work, she's older, your teacher' and all the other hundreds of reasons I've thought up, but my heart tells me to take a chance. "Carpe diem" my heart screams, go risk it and who knows it might work out, and at least she would know and I wouldn't have to hide it from her.

But then my mind kicks in again and I say no don't tell her; it will ruin what little relationship you already have. But then again if this is her last year then I've got to tell her. One way or another I've made my mind up to tell her but the question is when and how? Please help me!!!!

Troubled

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well i have an update for you. Now i have come into the possesion of the teachers phone number and im finding it very hard not to call or text her. I still cant decide what to do. I want her to know and i want this weight off my shoulders but i cant help feeling that i will ruin everything if she says no. Then it could get really ugly if she tells the principal perhaps and so on a so forth so in short im scared. Any more advice?

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (25 May 2006):

Bev Conolly agony auntWait until school is over for the year -- or nearly, it's only a few weeks -- before you say anything.

Because you're both adults, there really isn't an imbalance-of-power issue, although there is still a stigma attached to teacher-student (even former student!) relationships, so be aware of that.

She's a professional with a job to do, so don't put her on the spot, and especially don't profess your feelings during the school day. I guess if you felt you had to do this, I'd suggest you make an appointment with her after the end of the school day and speak your mind then.

Hope this helps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2006):

I think you should tell her. You don't have anything to lose. If she has feelings for you and chooses to be with you, then it's a risk she is willing to take to be with you. If she chooses to forfeit you and stay pure to her career, then that's another choice you will have to be prepared for.

I say you should try to ask her out as friends, over hot chocolate, etc. How? Straight-up as friends, go out, etc. When? When you feel you want to. It's hard to suggest timing here, as we don't know the history, layout, and events that happened and will happen there with you and her.

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A female reader, ShortandSweet? +, writes (25 May 2006):

ShortandSweet? agony auntYes,OF COURSE she would be abusing her power if anything happened. How do you think the authorities would look on a teacher who gets involved with a pupil? Not very kindly.Doesnt take a rocket scientist to work that one out. You have your fantasies ( I wish you joy of them). She has a career.

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