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We're always fighting over the chores!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I'm a young mother of a3 month old baby and my boyfreind and I always fight now over everything but mostly chores. He runs away to his parents house for a couple days and leaves me here to take care of her. Than he says he wants to work things out and only comes home for a day. Everything was fine last night. We laughed, cuddeld and even made love for the first time since I had our baby. Then this morning I wake him at 1pm so I can finally take a beak from taking care of our baby for 4 days strait while he was at his parents playing video games and he got mad at me saying he was sick ( which he always says as an excuse to not do something) next thing I know he's talking about leaving for good and saying see u in court and I belive him. I said we have to work things out like we agreed so he says to give him a week to clear his head from the bad things. He believes he can save our relationship byhimself and I don't what to do. Any advice?

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A female reader, SugarCookie United States +, writes (1 February 2009):

Yeah he'll be back in a week and after that he will leave again he is not going to grow up trust me its just a game to him. Move on and make a better life for your daughter! He wont change.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2009):

He's not coming back hun, he may have the best intentions in the world and when it was just you and him last night like a couple of normal teens, it was amazing for him and very simple and easy to deal with.

But then instead of bringing him a cup of tea and letting him sleep all day like his mummy does, you asked him to be a responsible adult and father..... oh dear, he didn't like that!

I really think you are better off alone, he's just messing you about here and that isn't good when you are effectively a single mum.

Start making plans for yourself and how you are going to raise this child alone. Tell him that you are happy to see him in court to sort out all the child maintainance he is going to have to pay. You can chose when and how you are going to live now and do the best things for you. If he throws a fit then call his mother and ask her to help you with dealing with him. I think since he is clearly not mature enough, to deal with grown up stuff, having his parents on side will be a real help.

There are better men out there. Men who actually take responsibility for their kids and will not act like a spoiled little boy.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (1 February 2009):

Artistry agony auntHi there, I with all the things ella said. You have a child on your hands, not your baby, your boyfriend, but think you already know that. Can you please tell me what he contributes to the reltionship? Is he at least paying the rent? That is good, but you seriously need emotional support and help with your child. I would also suggest though it is not my business that you not have another child with him. He is very immature and is not planning on growing up anytime soon. He probably didn't do any chores at home, as he is his mommie's son. this is what happens when they are spoiled by their mother, and then the wife gets the case, to try to rehabilitate, it's most difficult. I am sure you have convinced yourself that you love this man, but are you willing to carry him through life, because that is where this is headed. You are not married to this man, so the best advice, as I can't see any change coming, a day go clear his head, it takes many years of doing what is right until you begin to like it, not saying it, and still contuining to do the wrong thing, would be to move on. Decision time. Life like this or move on and try to find a better place without him and his nonsense. Growing up is hard, and he is not interested, he likes being spoiled and making excuses. See it as it really is and then decide, are your shoulders that strong, it will destroy you and you will begin to resent the treatment, don't wait that long, be strong and get your life together for your child. There will be others who are mature and know what is required of a man, and will not shirk their responsibility. Hopefully, you have family support, but this is a nothing situation, that you keep trying to fix, it takes two willing people to make a relationship work, one cannot give that much time and effort and love without help from the other side. Write down the pros and cons of staying with this man and then weigh them, I think you will come to a justifiable conclusion. Take care and stay in touch. Good luck to you and your child.

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A female reader, ellababesx United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2009):

ellababesx agony auntGive him this week to clear his head from the bad things, but if nothing comes from it, you need to do something about this, it's getting way too far.

Relationships have to come two-way, if they dont, they dont work out.

I know being alone with a baby is hard, but you cant keep running around for your boyfriend like he is a kid.

You need to tell him that if he continues this you will have to end it, as your relationship is falling apart as he is lacking his feelings to help you.

If he continues not really caring less towards helping you and the baby, you dont need him, afterall, he feels that he doesn't need a wonderfull woman like you, why should you deserve a childish man like him?

Good luck!

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