A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have known this guy for 8 years, we have been having sex on and off for about 7 years now. we have had other relationships but always end up back with each other. but for the last couple of years he hasn't want a girlfriend and i haven't seen him date either and i was ok with that (even though i have been dying inside to be with him) i recently moved to away to a other state. he hasn't told that he want to be with me, but he has talk to me in a way he never has before. i miss so much, his the love of my life. before i didn't feel that bad because bad or good i had him some way. i really feel his the one for me, he is the one i want forever. i have talk to him about my feelings but nothing has ever happen before. what should i do? i don't know what to do? i'm scare of losing him. help!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 You're scared of losing him? You have never had him in the first place.
Guys call long distance relationships that are non committed, long distance booty calls.
This guy has strung you along for 8 years now, take this opportunity that you have being in a new state to stop your love addiction now.
Even though love addiction is not a true mental illness listed in the DSM manual that all psychologists use to diagnose mental disorders, it does truly exist.
The hallmarks of love addiction are:
On again off again relationship
Obsessive thoughts and feelings
Tolerance of more and more absurd behavior from the love object.
Fantasy that the relationship is actually more than it is.
Inability to break away.
Weak identity
Internal rage that you are trying to avoid usually from childhood experiences.
And there is a lot more to it. You really are simply dependent on this person and that is not love.
Real love involves sharing common goals, working towards those goals and committment, and you have never had this with this man in 8 long years. You by your own admission have been his fallback girl/relationship, meaning that when other dating relationships for him end, then you are there for him so he can avoid being alone.
He doesn't at all sound healthy, and now it is time for you to put your focus where it belongs on you and set some personal and career goals for yourself and go about achieving those.
If you feel the urge to slip back into old habits and continue this waste of space relationship, please get some therapy so that you can work on your own issues so that you are healthy and whole and can attract a real love relationship into your life.
Ask oldersister did a great job of describing your FWB, now this is a description of YOU.
Good Luck
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Oh honey, friends with benefits is such a gray area they never work because some one always has feeling for the other, in this case you. If he was the one for you don't you think he would have initiated a relationship at some point in those 7 years? You can talk about your feelings to him but chances are high that he isn't go to reciprocate those feelings. He's in another state so it's best to leave him behind physically and emotionally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I'm going to be blunt, if he wanted a realtionship with you he would be with you. You say you've been off and on for 7 years? Don't you think he would have said something by now if he wanted more? FWB is almost always a bad idea as one person usually ends up wanting more, usually the girl. You even said it yourself "he hasn't told me he wants to be with me". I think you need to realise when a guy is FWB with a girl he doesn't want anything more than sex. If you do decide to tell him how you feel be prepared for getting your heart broken. I know it's not what you want to hear but i really don't think this guy is going to want a relationship, if he did, he'd be with you.
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