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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi. My family is about to move away from my dad because of his anger issues and we all can't wait to finally get away! But my dad is trying to put things in her head saying "oh if you move it's going to be a bad idea because she will have boys over all the time" and blah blah blah. The bad thing is his words are getting to her she is actually thinking about that stuff and she is thinking that it is a bad idea. What can I do to make him stop? We can't go on like this anymore. He doesn't understand .... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Talk to your mum and tell her what you've written here. Tell her that you really WANT to get away from your dad, and that not to worry about what might happen, because you think this is the best thing to do.
Because she's the adult, she gets to make the final decision, but you can still assure her that she's making the right choice.
I think your mum will appreciate your mature outlook and concern for your family, and I think you sound like a smart cookie, too. Don't be afraid to tell her your opinion, so she knows that you agree with her getting away from your dad.
Let the future take care of itself. You need to be safe and happy right *now*.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Honey, you can't make your father do anything. If you believe that he is causing you, your siblings, and your mother harm, then you must leave for your own safety. If possible take the rest of the family with you. Especially your siblings. Go to a woman's shelter - I'm sure they will take you and your siblings in.
When I was a teenager my dad's bi-polar disorder was wreaking havoc on all of us. At one point he moved out, but he came back. Eventually my mother made him leave for good, then I as well as my uncles persuaded her to sell the house and move closer to my aunts and my grandparents (they lived three time zones away). Twenty years later I think we all still bear scars from the damage but their divorce was the best option my mother could have chosen among a bunch of bad options.
It sounds like you are the most responsible one among your siblings and you are doing what you can to protect them. Your mother is an adult and can make her own choices. You siblings don't necessarily have the freedom to leave, but they have you, and if you need to leave, please consider taking them with you.
I hope things turn out well for you and your siblings.
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