A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hiya, well my relation ship is at an end again. me and my fiancee split up on new years eve, over a rather trivial argument. i got really angry and told him to leave. we have been seeing each other for over a year, are very much in love, but there are regularly huge angry arguments which spiral out of control. he is insecure and i have an anger issue. i am also very independant and he wants me to rely on him entirely for financial support for me and both my children, neither of which are his. Please can you suggest a way for me to be less angry, and a way for him to become more confident in the relationship as i fear it will never be sorted out and we will miss out on something spectacular.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Confucious say ," If you are angry count 1 to 10 and if very angry count 1 to 1000."
When you feel anger rising , like raising your voice, call a time out. STOP!..You cannot talk rationally when you have anger and when in anger , you may say words which can hurt your partner. Any words said in anger should not be remembered as the person is hurt and simply lashes out.They don't mean it but they have lose the emotional control and it gets blurted out.You should forgive the person who said in anger.
In marriage it is about compromise.You meet each other on the half way mark. No one should expect total submission from the other.You submit to each other.
To increase his confidence, you need to allow him to lead sometimes. Even though you do not like his idea but you do out of love for him.Think of those times when he had to follow you .You cannot be too independent because you are not single but a pair. You cannot have one leg walk right and another leg walk left. LOL!
A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 He is an insecure male that wants to be in a secure relationship. You are an independant woman that wants the same. Ask yourself what it is exactly you want from him. If you wanted him to be more secure and confident, then you would probably have more problems. Because then he would be challenging your authority on a regular basis. But your saying if he stays the same it wont work. Men have to have things told to them in plain english. We can't read body language and emotions like women. My best advice is to get couples therapy. It will help you with your anger and his insecurity. But if you wont do that, then just TALK. Not argue, talk.
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