A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused_83
writes:Is it weird if your boyfriend doesn't initiate kissing? My boyfriend of over a year doesn't initiate kissing, but when I initiate it, he says he enjoys it but he thought he wasn't any good at it. Also, in the internet history of my computer, it shows that someone viewed gay personal ads when I'm away at my job. Is that a normal curiosity for straight males?It was also a bit weird when he said to me "Would we still be friends even if we couldn't date? Like if one of us were gay or had some reason why we couldn't date?" That caught me off guard and I asked him straight out if he was gay and he said no. I think I am overreacting, but am second guessing myself. He has never gotten me off during sex, but enjoys getting me off during oral. I just am not sure what to think now that he has said those things. We have been dating over a year, and are both in our mid twenties. Any input is appreciated. Am i overreacting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): i would say that he is at the very least confused. It could be that he feels insecure...or inadequate which is making him question his "manhood" or it could be more. I think you should print out your question, find a relaxed time, and read it to him. its definitely time for some honest discussion. Mal
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Sounds as if he is defining his sexual orientation. Or if he's already clear, he's not forthcoming about it.
Perhaps you can lay out all your thoughts in a kind way. That could start clearing the air. When he asked that random, curious question, it seems he is bursting at the seams to share with an accepting person.
Also, one thing I've picked up in dealing with people is: If you suspect it, it's likely true.
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A
female
reader, Yarou  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Maybe its because he is thinking that he is gay.
Or maybe is is acting like it and asks you if you would stay friends.
Well... You should go and tell him everything that you think whether its good or bad you have to tell him because if you want to be in a good relationship you should always be honest with your partner. ask him why he asked you sch things and what is bothering him. if he answers you in a way you didnt like it you have to break up because he might be lying to you.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 It is possible, or he might be wondering what he really is. An early mid-life crisis or a late teen?
No, most straight males do not look at gay personals. But people who are unsure of themselves do tend to look around to see who they might be. If he isn't sure of himself as a straight male, then he might think that this is because he is homosexual instead.
Is he shy? And the fact that he never gotten you of during sex (according to you oral ain't sex) how does he react to that? Might be a self-esteem issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): No you arent over reacting. The fact that someone...i assume him...has been checking out guy personal ads is worrying. But some people have a natural curiosity about those `batting` for the other side and might take a peek at what they advertise. But that doesnt make them gay. If it does then i must be gay because ive sometimems read ads from gay women for gay women. But i know im not gay. As hes in his 20`s i would imagine he has sorted out his sexual feelings and it sounds as if like most men, he doesnt get you off during vaginal sex but he likes giving you oral. That proves he must enjoy being with a woman. As for kissing. You said you had to initiate kissing and he thinks hes no good at it, so thats probably just his confidence and not a sign hes gay. I think hes ok. If the history thing about gay personals worries you just ask him if it was him. It might have been but it doesnt mean hes gay, maybe just nosey x
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (24 January 2010):
Hmm, I'd probably start thinking the way you do and probably be just as confused. It sounds to me that he might be confused too or he could possibly be bi. If he enjoys giving you oral, then that kind of flips things a bit. So perhaps he's curious and unsure about his sexuality. I don't think you're overreacting, I think he's showing some signs that would make any girl question what's going on with her boyfriend.
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