A
male
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*adbrit
writes:Can love come back after a split?I have just split from my girlfriend who i was together with for three and half years, and we have an eight month year old baby. Things were up and down to be honest all along but we had loads in common, got on well when we were not being offish with each other etc. We had potential for great partnership but had some underlying problems that we never got to the bottom of so they repeated - i think that basically we didnt know how the other felt about things and how what we did made the other feel. Councilling had we done it would probably have worked it out for us.But i think everytime we fell out or went through a problem it hurt her inside, and when it was not solved adequetly it slowly killed something bit by bit. She has some anger and resentment from how things had been previous, how unhappy it made her at those times and that i was not as supportive as i should have been when she was pregnent. I realised all this but too late. I have just given her the best few months possible and she saw we could get on, be good parents, live together well, do normal things etc without it going eventually going wrong but alas it seems her love had gone for me. She had been saying her feelings had changed, something was gone etc but i tried anyway thinking giving the lifestyle and support she always wanted would make it come back but it didnt happen.My question is - if she really has lost her love for me, can it come back with time apart? Any chance that one day, if we stay friends and i shall, that she may see something that she first saw in me and spark something off? If life doesnt now turn out as good as she wanted, (gonna be a bit tricky as single mom) and if i stay showing my good side, that she may start to look back fondly at things and miss me? If she starts seeing other people and it is not working, can it make her look back kindly at us? Perhaps she will look back and wish we had got it right, and maybe time and me continuing to be me (which always was a good guy, but one who didnt understand her, now i do) will make her believe that maybe we could get it right?I will move on, i have to, it is so hard because she is such a beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, loving, funny, sensitive, warm person to be with. But i will move on and make a new life for myself. But we live in a small town so i will always be there for her without being intrusive and will help to support our son as much as she asks me to and wants me to. I just dont want to have no hope in my heart or do something wrong, if there is any chance she may feel for me again, i dont want to act in a way that will not make that happen. Any advice apart from "move on, get over it" cos we had a son together, I love her tremendously, and she once loved me, shame to not now we have a son. Not just for me, but for our son it would be the best scenario if we were all together, loving each other and happy.
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reader, badbrit +, writes (22 August 2006):
badbrit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you Juliette.I hear what you are saying, i know i have to move on but deep down i just cannot let go of the feeling that she will never regret it and miss what she had. This has happened because things were not as good for her as i previously thought, or some bad things that happened between us affected her more than i realised so this all may prevent her ever having that.But at the end, for the last period of our relationship, we had it right, life and how it should be lived in a loving relationship, the only problem was due to what had gone on before, she didnt want it anymore. Her heart gave up one time too early. I think inside she knew that life would have been right between us had she still had the heart for it. I am wondering if that will grow in her, regret to a degree (maybe partly when she sees how life pans out as a single mum) that her heart wasnt in it.
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female
reader, Juliette +, writes (21 August 2006):
 You sound a really nice guy and I can only anser with my own story as brief as possible.
I was in love at age 16 and we married at 19 and felt we were soulmates. Ht a rough spot and split up. Both found different partners and were not happy. Kept in touch and met roughly every ten years and each time we forgave a little bit more. Recently we have become really good friends and although he is still unhappily married, we feel we have gone full circle. We always joked we would be an old couple in a nursing home side by side, and it wouldn't surprise me if that happened!
Having said that, although be both acknowledge that our feelings are there and we could snuggle up together without batting an eye, we can say goodbye when we have to, without that gut wrenching heartache of missing someone. We feel a light will go off in the world when one of us dies, yet I can say I am in love with someone else in spite of what I have said.
Keep your distance, don't be a false you to get her back. Just be there for her to run to because she can trust you.
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