A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:To start off, i am an 20yr old male living in canada. Currently in a serious relationship with a childhood friend, whom i have known when we were going to kindergarten. We got separated when my parents have gotten job offers in another country, thus we moved. It's been about 12 yrs of separation until we found each other online. We started talking for a bit until it became almost everday and we chatted from hours on end. The Pacific Ocean separates us, but we still try to keep our relationship strong by communicating everyday, haven't missed a single day since we got together 5 months ago.But anyway, i am a virgin, she is not. Shes been in relationships before. I love this girl so much that for all my life i wanted my first time to be with the girl i love. Now that i've found her, it kills me to find out shes not a virgin. It depresses the hell out of me. There are days where i just blank out and think, "why?". Should we break up? Do i need time to think this through? I want to give my whole self to her but i have the feeling that she'll be never be totally mine. I don't know if i should go on...I don't know if i should have sex with other girls before i see her...it sucks...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): There's nothing you can do but "get over it."
Search this website for other answers. It seems like the issue comes up at least once a week. It has been discussed A LOT over and over again.
And no, sleeping with other women probably won't make you feel better about this. The problem is not that you miss sex with other women, the problem is that you wish she hadn't had it. Two different things.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 I believe that you're giving this too much thought. I would give a lot more importance to being with the girl than to the fact that she was with someone before. She just lived her life. It was correct for her to be in relationships. Why not?
I think you would lose a lot if you let her go for that reason. If the tables were reversed, would you feel it right if she left you because you had had sex before?
Sometimes life does not let us fulfill our dreams. We have to go on anyways.
You can still give your whole self to her. And she can give it to you, too; you just won't be the man breaking her hymen. I don't think that's so important.
I don't see how having sex with other girls would change the fact that she is not a virgin. It is as if you thought that sex with other girls would give you something you need. Like sexual experience, I guess? Are you sure this is not the problem, that you are afraid she will think less of you if you can't do what other guys can? You can learn, and my guess is that she will love to show you the way.
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