A
female
age
51-59,
*uesdayweldshikira
writes:Complicated love affair with a man I no longer have contact.I knew him for a good five years and became one of his tenants. Our relationship was purely professional, yet there was an unspoken attraction on both sides (unless) I read him all wrong?. He is with another woman and claims to be married, yet has had a bit of a history with women from what I can gather, so not necessarily the committed type - time can change people though, so not making judgements.We were flirting very heavily before I moved on to a new place of lodgings, but wrote and told him how I felt about him. We were to meet up as owed him rent, yet he didn't come. I have bumped into him a few times at the supermarket and he gave me the most awful look. Another time, he was at the window looking in as he saw me sitting at the table.I know that there is unresolved business between us, and have tried to sort this out with him, but he has so far shown reluctance to dissolve things. I now see him about in his van, and when he sees me, looks out at me as if wanting to talk with me. I still have a lot of strong feelings for him that I can't switch myself off from and want to meet up with him and explore what this is about, yet have a partner of my own.I love my partner very deeply, yet we have never had sex due to his past and being rejected by women. We have been together for three years, so I must be very committed to him, but I also have unresolved emotional attachment to this other man, who used to give me all the right signals that he was very keen on me. He knew I wasn't an easy catch (made this clear) by not doing anything impulsive with him - It drove me insane not to do anything as he was with someone at the time.I fell in love with him and hate myself for this, but still left feeling that I need us to either resolve things from the past or talk about these feelings - I know he still fancies me because he has bibbed his horn before now when he sees me down the road but can't stop due to traffic.Maybe I am imagining that he still feels things? - It almost went the full way when we knew each other, yet I held back out of fear as he was my landlord. We are now equals, so there is no professional bond there any more. I have strong moral values (not religious ones) and don't believe that people are always strong against having an affair or necessarily encourage them either, but I cannot go on like this with this man as he meant a lot to me back then and still does now.
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female
reader, Tuesdayweldshikira +, writes (29 December 2011):
Tuesdayweldshikira is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never said that I wanted to have an affair, this was not my intention of my writing on here. I wasn't rebuffed by the man I have strong feelings: he just was left angry and hurt that I left his property so suddenly and was unable to pay the rent - He was fuming mad at me, yet I had also confessed my feelings for him at the same time, and he said that he wanted to meet up and talk with me but failed to show.
I will never leave my partner (the one I am with) I do love him very deeply, yet there is not that 'spark' that I had with Andy. My relationship with my partner is platonic - We kiss and hug all the time, but there is no sex between us and have discussed this over and over with him, but it is far too complicated to go into details on here. My partner fancies me like crazy (I am very attractive in every way) but he is just afraid of taking that next step even after three years.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 you say you love your partner very deeply and yet are willing to risk hurting him by having a relationship with another man.... is that correct?what about this former landlord to you know so well that you can say you are in love with him?I often think that many times when WE feel things for OTHERS we imagine they feel the same for us when really they do not...If you are so unhappy in your relationship of three years that you are willing to hurt and cheat your partner, maybe you need to end that relationship and the "affair" with the other man is your seeing a way out?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): Does this man have your phone number or address - he could contact you if he felt inclined. When someone wants something to happen, they make it happen and not just wait for chance meetings. When you did put your cards on the table you were rebuffed. This tends to indicate that maybe his feelings are not quite as yours. As your own partner has issues and all is not well there, maybe your whole situation is the route of the problem. You could have one last go at putting this man you love on the spot, but realising you could be hurt - if that is the only way to have closure, maybe that is the answer. But I suspect he has been playing with you and he realised when he got your letter that things had got a bit hot for him.
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