A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 11 months now and I couldn't be happier.Problem is, I can't seem to erase his ex-girlfriend from my mind.A little over a year ago, i had moved to the state I live in now, started going to school and met my boyfriend, we knew each other for about 4 days then he decided to ask me out, we went to the movies and as soon as we got there, his ex girlfriend and her friend were waiting for him, trying to say that he told her to come get him. Great first date, huh.He then cheated on me with his ex, supposively.Then broke up with me after about a week to date her again. What was the point, right?After that, i wanted nothing to do with him, and it sucked because the day after we broke up i got one of my classes changed which caused my lunch break to change and i was in his lunch.Then about 2 or 3 months later, we start talking again, while he was still with the ex-girlfriend,i had never lost feelings for him as much as i would always say i hated him, and i dont think he did either.He asked me to hang out one night, and i said no, because he was with his girlfriend, so he was like fine, i broke up with her, will you hang out with me now? which was complete bull.But after a while, he broke up with her because she cheated on him, which gave me hope.But that hope was suddenly broken when he started talking to another girl, which totally pissed me off because he was sopose to be i guess "earning my trust back" yeah right.But he asked me out 2 days after valentines day and apoligized for everything, he still feels horrible for what he did and says he regrets it, which i also believe is bull at times.Sometimes i think i was just back-up since his girlfriend cheated.I hate when her name is brought up, or i see her somewhere, just whenever she comes up in some way, drives me crazy.I just can't seem to let go of the past, She always pops up in some way, and it kills me.Sometimes, i feel no different then her because he'll do things or say things thats he done or said with her.I don't know what to do anymore,help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Well you have to ask yourself what the actual problem is here. Is it that you just dont like the ex-girlfriend and feel jealous of her? Or are you actually worried he will leave you again for her?
It sounds to me like you dont trust him because of the way he treated you (and you have every right not to) - and you are worries that he will cheat/go back to her.
Now if this is the case you have two options:
1. Stay with him - if you really love him and cant imagine your life without him then you have to give it a go. Forgive him and forget the past and start thinking about your future. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones - yes you dont like this girl being mentioned etc but you should think to yourself "I have him and you dont" - that should give you some satisfaction.
2. Leave him - if you feel you cannot trust him and forgive what happened then your only option is to leave him. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and without it the relationship will only end up in disaster.
Trust your instincts and what feels right for you - if you really love him then you have to accept his past and put your anger/resenment to the side. She hasnt done anything to you - it was your boyfriend who hurt you. She cant harm you or affect your life in any way - accept she is part of the past and leave her there.
Good luck!
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