A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:Hi, pls help me decipher this.N is my colleague from another country (3hrs flight away). We know each other since 8months ago, chatting everyday on company chat and we meet up for coffee/lunch whenever we're in each other's location. Recently he came to my country and we hung out...a lot. The day before he left, he hesitated (about 10 times) before he finally kissed me and it was really hot. He admitted that he wanted to kiss me since 6months ago...however, he seemed really worried after the kiss. stating that 1) we work together 2) we're in different countries 3) he is unstable with what he wants to do in life. The next day he left for home, and he still msgs me on sms/email/work chat everyday...except that he never brought up the kiss again. Once in a while he will drop a hint that he's interested...e.g. he stalks my facebook, or he asks if i'm going on other dates etc...but when I try to get more information out of him regarding what he wants from this, he changes the topic. We're both single, i'm 28 and he's 35. Any insights?
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female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (15 July 2009):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontoday.....
A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (14 July 2009):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, some new developments....after 7weeks or so of not talking....he msged me one day to say let's talk next time i'm in town.....any advice to what's going on?
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A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (13 June 2009):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, i have new updates reg this. He has been msging everyday so one day i just asked him what he wanted. I said i just want him to be honest with me, we can still stay chat buddies but until he tells me what he wants, I cannot act as per normal to him. I said we can still be friends......and he said ok let's do that. I left it as such, ball in his court awaiting his explanation before I can be a normal friend to him. He said let's meet for coffee to discuss but it didn't happen. He msgs me still and when I ignore him, he said 'are you ignoring me?'....then goes on talking about the weather etc. I couldn't be bothered really so I didn't reply much. Then today at 4am in the morning, he sms-ed me 'good night'. I think I have made it very clear to him that I just want him to tell me what he wants and we can still be friends but he seems to be avoiding the topic still but expecting me to talk about the weather with him. I bumped into him accidentally and he looked really uncomfortable. I seriously do not understand this guy, pls help!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): no offense, but did you not read all the advice basically telling you that already? He doesn't want to go further with you and you don't want to listen to him or the aunts that have already told you that. You are chasing a person down that doesn't want to be chased and that has no interest in starting up anything with you. Spare yourself all this wasted energy hounding him down. He's been upfront and respectful and now you can return that favor by not pressuring him, not crossing that boundary he set.
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A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (11 June 2009):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm in his country now for work. he said he wants to meet me and would call. but he didn't. when i asked he said he was drunk, so i said are we still meeting up? he said he wants to but will let me know. I said he seems half hearted about meeting up, forget it then. He noticed i'm upset and said that things are not good with him now. let's talk see when we can meet up. To me it just sounds like excuses that he's just not that into me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): It's good that he has been honest with you. But if he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life plus the other two things, it sounds a bit like a non-starter. He finds you attractive but maybe doesn't really want anything to go further. At least he hasn't led you on. Have a talk with him and see where, if anywhere, he sees things going between you. Maybe you would be better off with someone there were less complications with?
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A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (4 June 2009):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust seems like guys are pretty dodgy to me haha
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A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (4 June 2009):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for that. It's been a few days after the kiss and still no mention. He still chats me everyday as per normal. After the kiss I put on my facebook msg 'i'm looking for something that I can't live without', and he asked me what it meant. Also i tried asking him to go on a trip with me and he kinda ignored that. He used to drop a lot of hints, like he remembers what i was wearing the first time he met me, he tells me he stares at me at drinks, tells me he's looking to get married and have kids etc.....I don't know what he wants. Should I even ask him straight? Else are we just going to be chat buddies forever?
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