A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've lived with my long term boyfriend for a good few years. We do have a lot of problems that have come up over the course of that time, I've discovered we're very different people, with very different priorities. The spark may not completely have gone, but it's definitely starting to flicker.The thing that's hanging over me, is that we live in a one bedroom house - we couldn't carry on living together for more than a few days if we did split up, but it's just not economically viable for us to seperate. We have joint debts, the bills and rent for our house are far higher than either of us could aford by oursleves, even though the rent is very low for the area. Neither of us have family near by - so essentially we have nowhere to go.I'm afraid that the only reason we're still together is because we just plain can't afford to split up!Is there anything I can do to deal with this?!
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female
reader, katatonik +, writes (23 November 2008):
 You know the situation better than anyone here...be honest with yourself. If you have stayed with this person only because of your financial interdependence, you're in the relationship for the wrong reasons. Look at it this way: you can't afford to split up with this guy right now, so you stay with him. Then what? If your financial problems are of the sort that won't last longer than a month or two, that's one thing. Maybe. But if you're talking "I stay with this guy and...nothing changes, we are going to need one another indefinitely in order to make rent"...not good. Stay at a friend's, get a second job if you can, move back in with your family--but don't use someone you no longer have romantic feelings for to keep your bills paid.Do note also that debt together doesn't mean you have to stay together; it just means you both need to pay toward the debt in amounts proportional to how much of it each of you incurred.
A
male
reader, guitar_hero_19  +, writes (22 November 2008):
ok. I think the problem here is the same problem 9 out of 10 couples have. Living together causes alot of stress, difficulties and even anger. This is extremely natural. It may not sound nice but when living togeher alot of couples actually get tired of seeing each other and being in the same space as each other some of the time.My advice to you is re-explore each other, find that one thing that makes you both complete, Cherish it and use it as the perfect bond that only you and your partner can feel and share. Over time things will start to get easy again, the presure may decrease amongst debts and personal matters. After you have both re-explored each other you will both discover what made you both happy in the first place. Keep what you discover, and dont think that your both in it just to be able to afford a roof over your head, be in it together because you want each other and you love each other.I hope this helped.Good Luck.Gav.
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A
female
reader, Shonababes +, writes (22 November 2008):
I know i am only young but when i was younger my mum and dad had the same problem when they was married.They just agreed that they shouldnt be together and my dad moved out and went to stay with his family who lived over 200 miles away.My mum was left with me and the house and my dad helped pay the debts.My mum also got money from her mum.I dont know what to advise but from my mum and dads story i hope it will help.Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Listen - if you need to break up, you need to break up. Every break up of a relationship has some kind of awkward practical issue to it: whether it's not being able to go to your favorite bar any more in case you see him, or deciding who gets custody of the kids, there is no such thing as a clean break.you will find a way of dealing with the money problem - you might have to borrow some, or sell all the furniture you bought and split the proceeds, or get a higher paid job, or spend some time on your best mates sofa. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you'll find a way to handle it, because that's what people do.So I suggest you stop worrying about the material issues and start looking at the relationship.
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