A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month and a half ago. We were both pretty new to dating (he was virgin, not me though because I was engaged before but I rarely saw the guy and the relationship was very abusive)I loved him dearly but I did some stupid things like I was very stressed and broke up with him over silly things but wanted him back 2 hours later. Very childish. I went through a lot in the past month and a half. Figured out my problems and I have decided never do such things to anyone ever. I was just very naive so please don't blame me for that because I've blamed myself and cried over it way too many times. He kept saying he never wanted to date me again. I tried very hard to get him back for a month and everytime he would say no. I lost so much weight and stopped eating and living my life. After a month I went to him with flowers, asked him to come back, sent him a long letter with lots of explanation, reasons, causes and promises (I was a good and caring girlfriends apart from those childish behaviors) he said no again, so I gave his stuff back and wished him luck with his life and cut him out of my life to move on. he sent me an email and drop a letter by my door telling me that he thinks that nothing is impossible and we ight get into relationship one day. So we talked and I assured him I'm not going to do crazy things again and I asked him to give me another chance and see that I've changed. He agreed to that.We hang out still. It's not like before. We just started cuddling, but it's definitely like before. Tonight he said I better keep wondering if we ever keep back together again. He treats me like crap! I swear :[ No girl will take that.My situation is very tricky. I'm 26, got my master this semester and I couldn't find my ideal job. I'm from another country and all my family is over there so I'm all alone here. Since we were talking about marriage, our families know about us. I have no desire to stay in this country and he's the only reason I wanted to stay so he finish his school and hopefully get out of here. (He's American) so it's hard to just move on with my life or hang around and see what happens because I have a comfortable life back home and I already have a great job there but I was willing to give up on it for love and stay with him.he's 30 and I was his first girl (we are engineers so please don't make assumptions, we are losers in general :D ) but it's just weird that he treats me like crap. I'm thinking of just giving up already before my self steam go to zero. I have everything a guy can wish for but I just thought he's a good guy and a right guy for me. He is too analytical and plays lots of mind games on me it's getting out of control. What should i do?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (20 June 2010):
 My first reaction to your letter is that you are not ready to be in a relationship. You went from having an abusive partner, to being an abusive partner. You have structured your live around waiting for him. You can't make solid plans for your self because you are waiting for a maybe. You don't like where you live and want to be somewhere else. You want him to pack up and leave his family and comfortable country. But how can he do that when you are on again off again with him. He can't make that commitment (which is much more than just marriage)to you based only on your word that you have changed. It is too much. You have hurt him too many times.
You need to start thinking about you. You without an attached man. I know that it is difficult to think about yourself as single. You boyfriends have become part of your self worth. You need to have a self, independent of a man. No excuses.
Your number one priority should be finding a job near your home and family. Getting your confidence, socially. Then when you really are stable finding a life partner.
FA
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Analytical does not mean he is a mind game person. But if he plays mind games with you it means, I'm sorry to say, very sick in the mind. With a possible condition.
Understand that when a relationship has ended it's ended that's it. If you break up that is an end of a relationship not a turning point. So now you know what the end is ,let's move on:
stop contacting him accept the fact that you ended it the first time yo broke it off with him childish or not, to most people it would be taken very seriously and if you did it multiple times in a short period ie breaking up then getting back together a short time later. That just confuses the status of the relationship I till there is no foundation and it's all just a twist of emotions and feelings of wondering.
If he's playing mind games with you now you need to ask yourself why are you still chasing him? It finished a long time ago so accept it and move on. Once you break up even in the slightest instance it's over and it just goes down hill. You cannot fix it except if you left him got over him and maybe just maybe in years to come you might hit it off again as you environment and situations change. But that is very very rare!
I think you need to let him go, move on and before you know it you will find someone new. Take this as a learning experience.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Congrats on earning your masters. That's quite an accomplishment.
Some view the behavior you don't want to be judged for, as playing games. Do you think his playing games may be as a payback for when you two were together before? I don't believe in playing games. You two need to be straight with each other. "Are we going to be together, or are we not?" No more waiting around wondering if it will happen or not. If he says to "wait and wonder", simply state that you will accept that as "not". Reason being, "maybe" was not part of the question.
So, ask him directly, and by his answer you'll know what to do next.
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