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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi there. I am hoping the great agony aunts can help me here. The answers are great and so prompt so thanks in advance.My ex and I had a pretty fiery breakup at the beginning of June. I was upset, he was upset and we have had no contact at all for going on two months now. I saw him at a function last week. We made eye contact. I did not flirt or look hostile..just made level eye contact.He returned my gaze. It looked as if he turned to see if someone else might see it but I cannot be certain.He left early, did not stay to schmooze as is his style. He also did not attend another important function this week. Is he avoiding me?Part of me would like to extend a hand of friendship in an email but somehow my pride is stopping me as I am still in pain and my pride is all I have. He acted dismissively towards me and having no further contact seems the only option.Should I contact him and could he have been avoiding me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe breakup has been difficult because we have to keep seeing each other due to other commitments. Back in June he said he would like friendship but thought I had expectations...I told him this was arrogant and stormed out. Things have been left up in the air since then. I thought we could be on good terms but think if I contact him he will again think I have expectations which is arrogant so do not know what to do.
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male
reader, Wulfgrimm  +, writes (29 July 2008):
Leave it alone, its to soon. Also the chances of you two being friends arnt even all that great. Sometimes it just doesnt work out like that. If it does it usually takes awhile in which you shouldnt contact him.
No eye contact, wouldn't talk to you, left early?
He is still upset, leave it be.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): That really depends on why you guys had the fiery breakup to begin with. Why is it that we have the harshest things to say to those we think we love so much? Was one party clearly in the wrong? No apologies offered? No reconciliation?Women flirt. That's what they do best. Men see it and interpret it as if they are the one in control. In his mind, he did something that makes himself irresistible to you. After that, it becomes a waiting game to see who makes the next move. If you do, he will take it to mean that you acknowledge you were wrong, even though you haven't. Flirt all you want, but unless you're willing to offer an apology, assuming you were in the wrong, don't make the first move! If you were wrong, the apology should have been offered right away. Written apology will suffice, but it must be followed by willingness on both parts to work through issues and resolve conflicts.I have a suspicion, that both of you did things to hurt the other person. In that case, you should apologize for your part, but if he decides to reconcile with you, then you make it clear that you apologized for your actions, for which you are truly sorry, and he must do the same before the relationship can be restored.Good luck to you.
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female
reader, Angela.B  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 It takes time, frequently a long time, after a break up before we can be friends with an ex. Sometimes it never happens.Before a friendship can start both people have to have recovered. You identify that you are still hurting and from his behaviour it would seem a safe guess that he is too.I don't think he acted dismissively. More likely is he just couldn't face a conversation with you and decided to leave rather than facing that, or even worse a "scene".One day you may become friends, but it is too soon for you both.I wouldn't contact him as you need more time and he probably does too. You just run the risk of re-opening raw wounds at the moment, which wouldn't be good for either of you.(Oh, and thank you for the kind comments!)
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