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We broke up, but I can't deal with this ending after 3 years

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2006)
A male , anonymous writes:

My g/f of 3 years broke it off about a month ago b/c she said she was everyone else here, she said she loves me, wants things to work, ect..but is not ready for the relationship we had..we went back and forth talking for a few weeks..she didn't want to go out or try to make it work...she would get mad when I brought up "us"..I finally said I couldn't talk to her anymore..she went to our house about a week ago to get some of her clothes b/c she was going to Florida for the week with her parents..I went by the house to see what she took and she did not take everything with her..Last week was the last time we talked and I told her that it was a bad week b/c of the finality of her taking her stuff was big for me..she said that she does see her taking some of her stuff as a final anything..anyway, she hasn't called in a week and I haven't called her..she called me before she left , but I didn't answer and didn't call her back..she hadn't called me back the past 5 times I asked her too..I know I have to let her go..but it is upsetting to see someone act like this after this long..she is 22 and I am 30..she seemed so ready for our life together..them whamm this came out on nowhere

View related questions: broke up, hasn't called

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2006):

smeedle agony auntYOu know it is over but you are hanging onto false hope, well she is not at all interested and has to all intents and purpose moved on.

I know it is hard to accept that she loved you then she did not love you, she obviously had a think about the realationship and decided that after 3 years she was not ready to settle down and get very seriouse, she obviously thought about this a lot and you need to accept her decision as hard as it is.

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A male reader, juttandmeff United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2006):

If you've been together for 3 years, then I guess she was 18/19 when your relationship began. I always hesitate to use 'when I....' as part of an answer, but I met my first wife when she was 17 and I was 25. By the time she was 25 and I was 33, one fundamental truth was apparent. I was still the same person I had been at 25, but she'd grown from a child of 17 to an adult of 25, with all the changes in perspective such things bring. We still get along (more or less!) 7 years further on, but we agreed at the time that our relationship had had its day as our idea of relationships, life, ambition, work etc had grown apart.

To return to your specific problem, if its causing you such pain, you'd do better just letting it all go. Text her to remove the rest of her stuff by a specific date, and stick to that date: if its still there afterwards, take it to her parents, or sling it. You're running the risk of spending the rest of this year waiting for her call while putting your own life on hold. Make a final break, and move onwards with, I suspect, best wishes from all here.

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