A
female
age
36-40,
*ucky03
writes:I'm getting married in two weeks. My fiance and I have been arguing alot lately. He throws a tantrum and pouts for days. The last argument was because his ex keeps contacting him and he just wants to ignore her but I want him to tell her to leave him alone. The other argument was about going to the bar all the time. I have children that aren't his but I can't go out during the weekdays because of work, school, etc. My fiance says I'm nagging him and he's losing his socialization.I don't know what to do. Is this normal or am I being unfair? He is acting distant so I'm trying to give him space but I'm scared I'll lose him and our wedding will not happen. Usually we can work through arguments quickly but this time it's different.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 December 2015):
 Frankly, your wedding "not happening" might be the best to happen, after all.
You and he need to learn just who you are to one-another... and how your marriage is going to work. What you described (behaviour) sure didn't read "marriage-like" to me...
Postpone the wedding until/unless you can honestly say to yourself: "This man and I are great partners, we understand one another, have the same (or, similar) goals and life-styles.... "
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2015): There's naturally going to be a lot of tension before taking such a big step. Well, it worsens when there's a lot of doubt and insecurity.
You're marrying a childless man, you have kids, and he likes to socialize? Worse yet, you're fighting about it?
Tensions naturally build prior to weddings; because there's the "cold-feet" syndrome. However; you're starting to lay-down rules, and that's a sign you didn't consider a lot of things before you said "yes!"
I have to ask you these questions. Please don't be offended.
Did you say yes, because you're tired of being a single mother? Or, did you say yes when he proposed; because he's good husband-material, loves you and your kids, and they love him? If you have any doubt, now's the time to make the decision. Burying it until you get married, and then dealing with it is...I'm going to use a word I really hate to use. Stupid!!!
Don't put yourself and kids through, hell if you're not sure. I write long lectures. In your case. It's short.
The mistakes you make not only effect you, it effects your children.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (5 December 2015):
 Cold feet maybe? No I think it is unreasonable for you to be asking the man you are going to take as your husband to man up tell his ex to bugger off. Why wait for him to contact her, why don't you? Because she may be the reason for his socialising shenanigans and behaviour. What do you consider to be going to the bar all the time and is this something he has done always or just started to? Because every now and then sure...but not if its every other day. My advice is to try get to the bottom of it, maybe even offer him an out, before the big day because as devastating as it would be better to know what you are getting into sooner rather than later.
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