A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my first relationship now (I sort of fell into it by chance), though it is long distance at the moment. We've been officially dating for about 8 months now, but sort of had something going on a while before. He's the only person I fully trust, and he's just an amazing and great guy.We've talked about it a few times and all, but I'm still unsure of when to really have sex. (We're both virgins, by the way.) I did express to him once I'd at least want to be engaged before having sex. He's respectful of this, but really doesn't want to wait that long. I don't quite want to wait forever at this point either. Though at the same time I'm worried that if we were to do it while on a visit rather than before I move there, it'd really be difficult in the time we're away. Like maybe it'd actually give a risk for cheating on eachother, or we'd argue or something because of all the tension. I'm also worried that if we were to break up even a while after, I'd really regret not waiting. I guess I just don't want my first time to be a "mistake" like so many of my friends have done. I doubt I'd be able to live with myself after something like that, since it's relatively meaningful to me. (I'd personally like to stick with one partner my whole life, but I know this is extremely difficult to actually achieve.)I'm also slightly worried that we'd even be able to go through with it on a visit. I've heard it can be painful and take a few tries, and given the fact that I'm relatively small and he's... well, not... I'm worried that this will happen to me. I'd hate to leave things half-done and skip town!So, when might the right time be? Should I just go for it and not worry about it, and be thankful I get to share my first time with another virgin and man who I love? Or should I wait a bit and try to save myself from the crippling regrets?Sidenote: I get horribly sick when I'm dealing with emotional stress, so having to deal with any regrets really takes a toll on me. I've almost gotten to the point of having to be hospitalized from it before. Just figure this is a factor that may be important in giving advice.
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both virgins, engaged, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I think you sould go on a nice date get get a hotle room and go ahead and do it because you been date him for 8 months you gotten to know him, trust him, and started to love him so its the right time to have sex. but don't want an unplanned baby so make sure to be take the pill.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): I'm a guy just a year or two older than you, and although I have never had a girlfriend, I have a lot of the same concerns when I think about when the opportunity for sex comes. I used to think that sex before marriage was totally immoral, but I've seen a lot of people my age who are great people and content despite being unmarried with active sex lives. Now I think that the right time for sex comes at different times for different people. It's just a matter of personal beliefs and values.
I basically have the same concerns when I think about losing my virginity and having sex with a woman. I too want my first time to be with someone incredibly special who's in it long-term. I want to be sure that it's someone I am proud of and will not regret losing my virginity to. I want it to be a memory of an experience with someone that I can cherish for life.
It sounds to me like you're still hesitant, which suggests it's probably not time for you yet. I would just keep spending time with him and developing your relationship, trying not to think about sex. (I'm sure that's hard, just try to focus on deepening an emotional connection). That way either you'll realize he's the wrong one, or you'll become so close and committed that it will happen naturally at the right time without too much anxiety. :) Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 You should only have sex when you both agree the time is right and after knowing each other for a while. You both have to be sure the the time is right, for a guy the time will most likley always be right, but for a lot of woman its a more emotional thing.
Use common sense or you may end up with an unplanned baby.
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