A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we were together for just over a year. Its only been a couple of weeks ago since we split up. And its my first proper break up. I still love him but not nearly as much as i did, he broke my heart, and i just cant think of him in the same nice way i used to. I cant even cry about splitting up anymore, i almost feel numb. And i feel like i almost hate him, but we agreed we'd stay close friends. Right now i feel i want a new boyfriend because im really missing being with someone, but every guy i meet just isnt right for me. Like im either not attracted to them as much, or theres something that makes me not want them as a boyfriend. Maybe im trying to moving on too soon, why is it so hard to find someone ideal? How long does it take to get over someone properly? Is looking for someone now a bad idea? When do you know its time to move on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Hi
Its probably just too soon to be honest.
Ive recently split from a year long relationship & i cant stand him to be quite frank. He didnt cheat but he lied, but denied lying all the way through. Thankfully i dont fall in love with guys that i dont trust, my instincts kick in & put a barrier up. But like i say, i cant stand him, dont miss him, and have no intention of speaking to him again, yet i have no desire to meet anyone else yet.
I did however split from someone a few years ago & did still love him, that took about 2 years or so before i could meet someone else & not compare them.
I wouldnt be worrying about it at the moment.
Who wants to go from one to another in that short time anyway? Its cool being single. Unless you feel comfortable on your own you wont make sensible decisions about guys & will settle for anything. And thats a bad idea.
All the best.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Yes, it is much too soon to be dating others. After all, you ended with your boyfriend only two weeks ago. That's no time at all.
Your mixed feelings in regard to your ex are perfectly normal and you should allow yourself time to "process" them; to learn from your experience with him and begin to heal.
You will know when its time to move on. Your feelings will have calmed down, for one thing, and you'll no longer feel you "love" your ex, and even though there may be some lingering sadness, you will recognize that the two of you were not really a good match, when all's said and done, and you won't want to get back with him.
It would help you a great deal to back off this "being close friends" business. When a relationship ends, that's exactly it: OVER, FINISHED, PAST HISTORY. Trying to remain friends is a bad idea because it makes it more difficult to sort out your feelings and to move on with your separate lives - yes, I mean both of you.
As for "ideal" well, there probably IS no "ideal" man (or woman). Expecting to find someone like that will lead to disappointment. What you can expect is to find a man whose company you enjoy; you find attractive (some chemistry there) and who you can feel comfortable with, a guy who is willing to take it slowly; who respects you and is considerate. Sure, he'll have flaws - as you do yourself - but the bottom line is whether the good outweighs any bad.
Good luck!
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