A
female
age
41-50,
*eartofgold
writes:My boyfriend and I had been having problems in our relationship for a while about his ex girlfriend who looks exactly like me, in which they hadn't been together in 15 years. Our relationship was absolutely amazing until we went to a party and his ex was there. My boyfriend's mate was passed out on the couch and my boyfriend's ex jumped on him, to my surprise his actions spoke louder than words. I also noticed he was always mentioning her name and felt he was trying to change me into her, which I don't know why considering she used to physically and verbally abuse him and I have given him nothing but love and understanding so I told him it's not healthy to carry anger into a new reationship and I kept telling him I'm not her and does he really love me for me.After I talked to him he got more and more distant. I kept asking if there was anything wrong coz I could see he wasn't giving affection and avoiding me. He said he was just tired. Then about a week ago he dumped me saying I don't love you any more with no explanation which makes me wonder if he ever loved me or whether he loved that I look like her. I still love him but am a very strong person and I know I can overcome this.
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (21 February 2009):
 reading about the kids too, i think this guy is defintely best left be, you're better off without him - children are resilient, they will be just fine - they know they have a mother who loves them and that will save them more times than almost anything else in life. i was a single parent for many years, i decided to not get involved with anyone, but life sometimes throws you a good egg and a chance of real happiness and if that came along i would hate for you to throw that away because of the hurt that this one man has put upon you. My son is now 12 and i'm married to a guy who has a 5 yr old son also - its the best thing that ever happened to me and we both make it work - it wasnt an easy decision to enter into the relationship bcause there were lots of other factors but the children get along, we're happy and if he broke my heart or vice versa we'd pick up the pieces then - life int set in stone and we dont know what is round the corner so enjoy what you have when you have it - you cn still date even, just avoid introduing anyone to your children for the time being and this will avoid heartache until you perhaps find someone you wouldlike more with. all the very bestxxx
A
female
reader, heartofgold +, writes (12 February 2009):
heartofgold is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for validating what my gut was telling me.i just feel bad for putting my 2 kids through this.you see we lost their father tragically 6 yrs ago,and this was the first relationship i entered into as i didnt want to put my kids through anymore pain.you see everyone theyve loved has died or left. so it was hard for them and me to love again.my daughter 13 and my son 10 come to absolutly love this man and they are bitter that he left the way he did and so are his friends and family,that he knew the situation from the start and promised my kids he would be there for them, to be so heartless,arrogant and nasty.anyway ive decicided im not entering any relationship until my kids get older.which is a shame considering i have aan awesome personality as everyone keeps telling me,i am proud of myself for going through all this and am still being a happy person,its taught my kids there will always be problems in life,but its those with strength,courage and a positive attitude to be happy within yourself.so thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me honest and warm advice.xxx
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (29 January 2009):
Sometimes a person has a specific type and just because you look like his ex doesn't mean that this was the sole reason for his being with you - if it was, he's a jerk and you're worth more than that. sometimes we just never know why someone has dumped us - most of us have that one person who let us go and never as much as gave us an explaination as to why, and those ones are the ones that niggle at you for the longest time because it leaves you imagining all manner of things that could be wrong with you or with the previous relaionship and those things can get carried into new relationships as much as anger from a past one could too. Whatever his reasons for dumping you were, you sound to me like a strong lady and you know that you will be just fine. If he has had anything to do with the ex after so long, perhaps he's realised that he is living a lie with you and didnt even really realise it until you put it to him clear as day. Perhaps he thinks he is doing the right thing - you just dont know. Whatever the outcome,know that you did all you could in that relationship, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go out there and show him that you're just fine. If he does come creeping back to you in the future, i think he'll have a lot of explaining to do. Good luck!
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