A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been having sex with this guy I work with. We’ve slept together on and off for a few years but the last time before now was 2 years ago and we started working at the same place 7 months ago. When I first started working there, we weren’t hooking up but eventually we started again.Anyway, there’s a new guy who started working at our job 3 weeks ago (I’ll call him Kevin). Him and I get along so well, he makes me laugh and overall I enjoy his friendship. Well Kevin and I joke around a lot at work and I don’t see it as flirting but I know how things can look different on the outside and people might think we like each other. Well my guy and I hadn’t been able to see each other outside of work alone for 3 or 4 weeks cause we were both so busy. During these past few weeks, Kevin has mentioned that he feels like our boss doesn’t like him. Our boss is my guy. Kevin keeps saying that our boss would speak to everyone but him and even says good morning to everyone but him. I thought Kevin was just being sensitive about it, but Kevin told me I just didn’t want to believe it. I caught my guy outside and just told him that Kevin felt like he didn’t like him. He just laughed and said he just hasn’t gotten to know him yet. But after that, he smirked and said “I see you and him are getting along well though”. I just said that I thought he was Funny and we changed the subject.Well, Kevin said that things have gotten a little better but still feels like deep down our boss doesn’t like him. Last night my guy wanted me to go out with him. We meet up after work to get food and drinks. And then he gets us a hotel room. While we’re out and on our way to the hotel room, Everything seems normal. We talk normally, he flirts and grabs my thighs like he normally would. Before we go in the hotel, we both smoke a little weed and then go upstairs to the room. As soon as we got into the room, he turned on the lights and I turned on the tv. I laid on the bed and then he walks over and puts his drink down and tells me “You’ve been a really bad girl at work”. At first I was confused and thought it was funny. I said “I have?” And he says “Yes you have”. Then he starts spanking me and says “Stop flirting with Kevin”. I laughed and said “I’m not” but he spanked me again and told me to stop. He looked very serious about it and I felt a little afraid at the same time, but I think that was just cause I was under the influence.Anyway, right after he’s done spanking me, he gets on top of me and laughs a little and says he was just kidding. After we have sex, i bring up how he spanked me for flirting and he said again he smiles and says he wasn’t being serious.So, all day I’ve been wondering if he spanked me cause spanking just turns him on and he did some role playing and used “Flirting with Kevin” as the reason. Or if he brought it up cause he really thought I was flirting and he didn’t like it. We’ve never done role playing before and I thought people typically talk about it before trying it. And I mean, if you want to role play and spank me, why not use “For being so sexy” as the reason? Why “flirting with Kevin”? And later on he changed his reason for spanking me to exactly that… being sexy. I don’t know why but I just wanted opinions… was this him just role playing and “just kidding?” Or did he bring up Kevin for a reason?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (11 June 2021):
 Just a suggestion: find yourself a real relationship with someone who wants to be with you and only you, then you won't have time (or feel the need) to big yourself up and write nonsense. You'll be busy doing what you should be doing: living your life to the full, not just waiting for your next booty call from your boss.
Just a suggestion.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2021): Seems you work for a rinky-dink organization with no structure; and it doesn't comply with Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), or comply with rules of the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA). Employees do as they choose, and the so-called management is somewhat low-brow. Possibly a fast-food chain, or some small retail chain.
I don't believe a word of your last post. Seems like just snarky retort to what everyone says about your tacky little setup with the boss. Fine with me, no skin off my nose. Not sure of the point of your post.
Send my regards to Kevin (if he exists), maybe he should look for another job. If a single word of either post is factual.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2021): Your married boss who comes to you for his thrills is making sure he has his territory marked but not because he has deep feelings for you, more that he doesn't want some other man taking away his thrill.
My guess is that YOU are using poor Kevin as a way of trying to get the boss to react in a jealous way because you have feelings for him
Even if he divorced his wife he wouldn't replace her with you because you have shown you are willing to be the bit on the side
My advice is at your age ditch being a go to bit on the side and find a single man who actually likes you as a person, you're on a power trip sweetheart with your sex only obligation to your boss
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust the thought of our boss being fired is hilarious.. cause it would never happen. Even if his boss found out he was with me, they would only get rid of me and even then my guy would make sure I get sent somewhere I’d like, get paid well, and he’d make sure I have a female boss just cause he has that type of power. He is adored by everyone, including the owner, and he is far too good at his job to be easily replaced. Trust me, he would have to be stealing money directly from his boss to get fired, and even then I’m sure he’d find a way to make it all make sense.
All I’m saying is, Hell will freeze over before he is replaced. Kevin is pretty good as his job, but they will push him out before they push out the boss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): BTW, your boss is a potential legal liability to the company. It could provoke a complaint; if one of your coworker's who suspects favoritism. Any disgruntled employee could rat you all out; and get the whole bunch of you fired. He has the potential to be biased; and may not take the appropriate action when discipline is necessary in your case. That's favoritism, and it gives other workers justification to file complaints with HR.
Just like Code Warrior, I'd either disburse all three of you to other locations; but the better remedy would be to fire you and your boss, and warn Kevin. Firmly reminding him that this is his workplace; not the playground, a party, or a social event. Joking, flirting, and kidding-around is done on his time, not on the clock!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): I meant to say:
"It brings me to believe he'd hit or beat you seriously; if the carousing with poor Kevin doesn't stop! He'd (Kevin) better realize "whose [b*tch] you are!"
"Your vagina is totally off-limits, according to the Alpha-male, the boss!!!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): Let's call a spade a spade. "My guy" as you've called to him, is more preferably referred to as your friend with benefits. There are cruder analogies, but you get my point. Unfortunately, he's also your coworker and your boss. Not a good mixture, or situation; any way you look at it.
Give my regards to Kev!
I think Honeypie was quite perceptive, and right on target, when she asked you if "Mr. FWB" was married? Considering he never takes you on a proper date; so there must be a hindrance of some sort. Like a wife, or girlfriend? He's not your guy, unless he cares for you in more ways than using your body. He's acting like your pimp. It's consensual of course, but it's none of his business whom you frolic and joke around with!!! Your question is also a roundabout way of asking if he cares for you more than you think? Not usually, in these types of situations. He's just establishing his territory, and just branded his label of ownership on your honeypot.
Friend's with benefits don't get to set boundaries on whom your other friends are, or what you and others do together. He doesn't own you! Whether he is bothered about your connection to Kevin is irrelevant! Who the heck does he think he is? That spanking nonsense was just plain creepy! It was a passive-aggressive shot across the bow; to let you know Kevin has a target on his back! It brings me to believe he'd hit or beat you seriously; if the carousing with poor Kevin doesn't realize "whose [b*tch] you are!" Pardon the term, but that's the point your boss is making. That was by no means a direct slur on you. I think you know what I mean. I apologize if you're offended.
Now poor Kevin's job is on the line, and you're like poison. Your vagina is totally off-limits, according to the Alfa-male, the boss!!! It has his brand stamped on it! All due to your inappropriate connection to your boss; who holds everybody's job in his hands. Kevin is male, and we men pickup the signals from other males; when we're sniffing too close to their "property." It's territorial-behavior, and he has sent the message through you that he doesn't approve of Kevin; and that you better behave yourself, if you know what's good for you! Let's see who'll go first? You...or Kevin? Don't be surprised, if your boss/owner/pimp doesn't walk around your workplace lifting his leg; pissing on everything to mark his territory, starting with YOU!!!
Wittingly, or unwittingly, you're big trouble for Kevin. Messing around with coworkers, is the biggest of no-no's; but it is what it is. Now somebody's job is hanging in jeopardy, all because you boink the boss; and he just so happens not to like your new playmate!
I wish I could warn poor Kevin! He's smart enough to know what's up, and he's told you so. What's really bad, is that you went right to the boss; and told him what Kevin said! YIKES!!!
Oh my gosh! If I roll my eyes back in my head any further; I'll see my brain about this one! No, I'll just roll my eyes, and shake my head! That's more appropriate!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 June 2021):
 Is "your guy" also married?
I am guessing he is due to having to get a hotel room to have sex in...
If so, what are you doing?
And yes, banter can seem like flirting if you are just looking at it from the outside.
You are SINGLE, so you can talk with anyone you want. "Your guy" has no claims to you other than *cringe* he is your boss and your hook-up partner.
This is not a good idea. Romance in the workplace rarely works out and IF he is married on top of everything else... just Yikes.
If you don't want to be "spanked" again, you set some boundaries, right now.
Whether he was "just" role-playing or not, is irrelevant, either you were OK with it or you were not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason I called him “my guy” is because I didn’t give him a name on here, like I did for “Kevin”. So that’s the reason. Also, If I didn’t like hooking up with him, I wouldn’t be doing it. Also, not looking for a relationship either… We have a lot of fun together but we could never really date and we both know that clearly and we’re okay with that. I probably should have mentioned all that but I was hoping everyone would pay attention to the question I asked because that’s the reason I came on here. I know it’s not good idea to date or mess around with someone at work, but I’m already doing it and I like hooking up with him. Just curious to know if he is bothered by the new guy or was he really just joking. Sounded a little like role playing but we never discussed that so I wasn’t sure.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (3 June 2021):
 Note: I tend to see all relationships as power relationships. While I intellectually understand that other people don't view the world that way, I n this case you should probably look into the power structure of this relationship.
Mistake #1
This is exactly why you never date someone you work for, or someone who works for you. Your relationship with your boss has endangered Kevin's employment. Now a condition of your employment has become not dating (or even talking to) Kevin.
Mistake #2
Power play without a safe word, and, especially, without a prior agreement, is a good way to get dead. As it is you don't know if boss man is jealous, playful, or controlling. And the Pot isn't helping you to see that clearly.
Advice:
Find a new job. I don't see a safe and ethical way you can continue to work there.
If you do like the kind of activity that happened at the hotel, then you need to have rules. Safe words are the minimum.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (3 June 2021):
Why do you refer to him as "my guy" when he clearly is only interested in you for booty calls? By hooking up with you occasionally, he is keeping you on a back burner while offering you no commitment or love, just sex as and when he feels horny and has no better offers.
If you are as sexy as you make out, you can do better for yourself. However, you are obviously smitten by him so it is pointless telling you this relationship is going nowhere. For what it's worth, I suspect he might be a little jealous of the attention you pay your new colleague but nowhere near enough to offer you something concrete, like a real relationship, hence whey, when you had dealt with his hard-on, he told you he was only joking.
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