A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,im 21 and last year in january i dropped out of university. i have a lot of problems at home with my mum. she wants to control everything i do and she drinks a lot. she messes with my head so much. i convinced myself dropping out was the right thing to do. i actually think i may have chosen the wrong course and i just got it in to my head i couldnt do it and dropped out. right now im thinking thats was the biggest mistake of my life!! im now working in a job that has realy good promotion prospects but deep down im not happy. i started an application to go back to university but this time to one far away so i can move out of home but again i was thinking about what everybody else would say to me. they wouldnt believe i would go because i dropped out the first time and my mum would no doubt have something to say about. i realy want to go back i have missed the deadline for the application but i have just found out if i hurry i get put in a late application. so many things are going round in my head i dont know what is the right thing to do. one minute i realy want to go and the next i think about what everybody will say to me.please help im so confused!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Hi,
It seems there is a lot going on in your life at the moment, and you are trying to make decisions under high pressure.
Before sending in a late application it would be wise to review why you dropped out in the first place. Once you have addressed the reasons you were not successful originally you have a better chance of success. Do you want to go to university to escape an unhappy home situation? Do you feel you need to go to university because you want the status of a tertiary education and are unhappy labelled a 'dropout'? Have you finalised a career/course of study that really is for you? Have you spoken to a career counsellor or someone at the university who can address some of these issues? Consider having some tests done which assess your interests and your talents (interest/aptitude inventory). Remember university is expensive and if you go now as you have failed before, if you are not successful this time you may feel even worse. The better you have thought through these things, the more confident you will feel, and the better you will be able to support your position to friends, family and your mother when you make a decision.
You may be feeling concerned about wasting time but many people start in one career and re-skill themselves for something else later on. If your career path is not linear, that is OK too. You say your current job has good prospects, but you are not happy there. Have you considered staying in that post for this year and maybe working on a course of your choice by correspondence? That way you have an income, and you can build up the confidence in your abilities, and that you have chosen the right field so you can enter university for the next intake.
Obviously if you have a passion, there's no reason to wait to enrol. If, however, you are still making up your mind, an undergraduate course is a lot of time and effort, something to do for yourself, rather than because someone in your family wants it for you. It may also be worth considering technical schools, artisanship apprenticeships and other tertiary education models depending on your interests and your desired future career, some of these groups have links with employers and industry and a better understanding of eventual workplace demands. Perhaps you are allowing the limited time left to get an application in to put too much pressure on you to enrol right now. I have known a number of people who started university, dropped out, worked for a while and gained a better understanding of themselves and what they want to do and gone back to successfully qualify.
On the point of your mother, perhaps you should try to find a group such as AlAnon which supports family members of people who overuse alcohol.
Best of luck with whatever course of action you choose,
Regards
GK
A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Go for it, don't regret it later on in life when its too late. As for your mum, are you an only child or the youngest? My mum gave me so much hassle when I tried to move out for the first time, she kept saying I wouldn't be able to pay all my bills and feed myself etc. I think some parents just find it hard to let go of their children and watch them grow up, I guess it makes them feel old.
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi  +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Who cares what anyone thinks? If you say you can do it, YOU CAN! Only you know your true limitations and potential. Other people say negative things when they're jealous of you, and your mom does it to manipulate you. Alcoholics love to manipulate the people around them.
Go for it if you want it! If you do go and wind up not finishing, it's not a big deal either. Not everyone needs to go to a university to be successful. Do what makes you happy throughout your life and you'll save yourself a lot of heartache.
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A
female
reader, carriebaby +, writes (22 January 2009):
 What do you want to do. Your a young woman and its your choice what you do. If u really miss college and know this time you wont drop out then go for it. Your mum cant control you anymore, get her to see a doc if you think she has a drink problem. Dont worry about what others might say to you bout wanting to go back to uni. ITS YOUR CHOICE
gd luck
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