A
female
age
36-40,
*eriel717
writes:My husand and I have been together since May 2008. We have been off and on until we got married in August 2009. I had a son previous to meeting him, but he's pretty much been a father to my son. We recently had a son in June 2010. Ok, I may not have been the best wife or a mother at times, because I could never really hold a job and I was sort of mean to my husband. My husband drank a lot, but it didn't really bother me. We were living in an apartment and when his parents got a church they also got a Parsonage with the church that his father started to be a pastor at. Like I said before. I bitched about a lot of things and I couldn't really hold down a job, but it's not like I didn't love my husband or that I was cheating or anything. Well, anyways. . . . He moved out and started living in the Parsonage by himself and I had both kids to take care of and I have to resort back to living with my parent's again since I had no place or job. A couple of weeks later around Thanksgiving he asked that we move in with him and for us to try and work it out. Well, at this time I still didn't have a job and to top it off my car broke. So, I had no means of getting to a job. So, it was two weeks away from Christmas and he kicks me and the kids out again. I find out that he was talking to some girl and of course like most ex's he started to say rude things about me. Well, Christmas we didn't spend any time together and he didn't spend time with the kids either. A week after Christmas he starts talking to me more and wanting to meet up with me and talk. Well, I meet him at his work we talk and well we end up having sex. Mind you I filed for divorce. A week after we had sex he gets served papers. He says he loves me and blah blah blah. He's still with this girl that he left me for and he says she isn't living with him,but I know for a fact that she is. Anyways. . . . One day we got into a fight and he says he's only playing me and being nice to me, because he doesn't want to pay for an attorney and pay child support. Well, we make up again and of course stupid me we have sex at his place this time. He keeps saying he doesn't love her and that he doesn't want to be with her, but he wants to see improvement in me that I can be nice for a day and not bitch at him and get a job and a car. I'm currently in school and trying to lose weight to join the Army. I'm so madly in love with him. He also keeps saying that it's my fault that he is with her. I want to make our marriage work, espically for our boys. I mean what should I do??? Please give me some insight, because I'm so very confused. :(
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female
reader, aeriel717 +, writes (12 February 2011):
aeriel717 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, just a little update. . . . . He broke up with her. We are going to see a marriage counselor. Everything feels great right now.
A
female
reader, aeriel717 +, writes (10 February 2011):
aeriel717 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I have pushed him to the edge. He even said that. I didn't hold a job, because I wasn't happy with the jobs I would get. It's always been my dream to join the Army and that's what I'm about to do now. He's with her 24/7. He ignores me when he is around her. He only wants to see me when he's at work or when he's off and she is working. I mean he keeps saying he loves me, but I don't feel love when he ignores me and doesn't want to spend time with me or the kids. If I start crying infront of him he starts crying too. I feel so awful that it had to come to this. I love him so very much. I know I have to work on myself to be happy with him. He's been drinking SO much with her. He's going down hill at work. I just miss him and being with him. Maybe I should just give up and just proceed with the divorce. . . . Not that I really want to, but maybe it's for the best. Gosh, that's going to kill me. I guess I will eventually get over it. I feel so pathetic about all of this. I just want my life back with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Burberrypie..she has admitted she is not always 'sweet and caring'....In her words 'I was sort of mean to my husband'....And that doesnt help his drinking problem (I fall short of saying she pushed him into it)...She has been clearly mean to him and made life unbearable for him..Maybe you think it is okay for her to act this way....Your adivce is rather onsesided dont you think? And by the way the rest of the things cannot just work themselves out...What kind of advice is that???@ poster..you and your husband both have problems you need counselling(both marriage and otherwise)...Why can't you hold down a job? As an adult that is important..Put a family into the equation and it can be pretty hard..Your husband has even told you he would like you to stop being mean, hold a job...I'm sorry but I do believe you have pushed this man to the edge....you should admit your part in this disaster and make some SERIOUS changes of your own...Remember the saying about removing the log in your eye first...However, you both need help and should try and get some ASAP, perhaps your local church could help too, as I'm sure it would be a bit tight moneywise for you.
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A
female
reader, aeriel717 +, writes (7 February 2011):
aeriel717 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBurberrypie,
My children are still very young. My oldest is about to turn 4 in March and my other child is 8 months. It doesn't seem to be affecting my children in any way. They see him atleast 2 times a week, becauase he works 2nd shift. He's only off on Sundays and Wednesdays, but sometimes he will ask me to come and visit him and bring the kids with me to his work and we will all eat lunch together. As for working on myself, I've been going to a gym and actually taking classes. I've been on a couple of dates, but honestly I just feel guilty and I just don't have any real fun.
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A
female
reader, aeriel717 +, writes (7 February 2011):
aeriel717 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBurberrypie,
My children are still very young. My oldest is about to turn 4 in March and my other child is 8 months. It doesn't seem to be affecting my children in any way. They see him atleast 2 times a week, becauase he works 2nd shift. He's only off on Sundays and Wednesdays, but sometimes he will ask me to come and visit him and bring the kids with me to his work and we will all eat lunch together. As for working on myself, I've been going to a gym and actually taking classes. I've been on a couple of dates, but honestly I just feel guilty and I just don't have any real fun.
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A
male
reader, burberrypie  +, writes (4 February 2011):
I am so sorry to hear this, and I feel disgusted at the way he has treated you.
Your love is the best thing you can give anyone, but I think you need to determine if he is worth it?
How is this situation affecting your kids?
Where possible, I would lean on your family for assistance and make sure you have some "me time" atleast once a week and take up a hobby.. You say that you want to loose weight and improve your fitness, I would join yoga class, or zumba etc
You sound like a sweet and caring person so im sure if you just chat to people you will build friendships and the rest will work itself out.
Best of luck to you :)
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (4 February 2011):
If you are madly in love with him, why did you file for divorce? I seriously think there is a lack of respect for each other, plus this sounds like a very complicated marriage that I sense will never improve.
Have you tried marriage counselling? That is your only option now if you want this marriage saving.
I am more concerned about the children actually... one minute mummy and daddy are back together and you are moving houses, and as soon as they get settled you have broken up again and moved out.
One way or another this has all got to stop otherwise your children are going to suffer big time!
My advice would be to go ahead with the divorce and move on. Ok, it will be extremely hard and you will suffer emotionally for a while, but at least you will see light at the end of the tunnel.
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