A
female
age
30-35,
Bibeauty
writes:Dear Cupid, My name is Rebecca. I am a 20-year old aspiring journalist. Oh god, what a dreadful introduction. Is that supposed to summarize who I am? How god-awful is that! More so, how god-awful is it that that's how I would naturally begin to introduce myself with!Speaking of trying to summarize who you are, I believe it has always been intimidating to write one of these things. Usually, I write more solid event-based stories where the meat of the story is right in front of your face. How could I possibly start?How's this. I never truly understood the confines of our society has created as tools to identify who we are as people. At the tender age of 18 I got myself a tattoo that to me represented how undefined and dynamic my being is and will be. This, I thought, would be a demonstration, to those who see it, and have gone through my 5-minute explanation of it, of how free-flowing I believe a human being truly is. I know what you're thinking. Of course, a young whimsical female writer who's bisexual is talking about fluidity and free-flowing...ness. But it's true! Although my sexuality may reflect my undeniable belief that I cannot be defined as neither can my preferences to the person I'm in love with. (Yes, in love with ... currently! I know what a score!) You should see her. She's absolutely stunning and absolutely not someone I would imagine myself being with for the most wonderful 15 months of my young life. *Sigh...Sorry. Got a little side-tracked. It's love what can I say. Anyways! I always found it somewhat comical that a community that has historically pushed and prodded for the sake of acceptance, tolerance, and human rights, in the name of equality to all human beings; is so apt to creating categories within it. Yes, I'm talking about the gay community. Curse at me if you will but I think there is something to be said for the homosexuals out there who judge bisexuals based on their sexual fluidity. I've heard such offensive and abhorrent judgement calls including: "you have one foot in the closet and one out" "you're just a straight person trying to get attention" "you're not gay! You just want to fuck everything!"Ya, fuck everything. That's always been my goal. I'm not saying that all heterosexuals are innocent or that all homosexuals are guilty with this one. However, it never ceases to amaze me how so many people: minorities, homosexuals, transsexuals, the poor, women, children, seniors, etc. all fight against discrimination and equality. And yet, the very fighters of this cause perpetuate it while using the very roots of discrimination itself: isolation. The more you create categories within categories ie. a Femme in the lesbian category or a Topper in the gay category, the more the opportunities for isolating individuals. The more isolation of individuals, the more the concept of individuality is cast away. This was intended to be an outlet for me to tell you about my struggles within the family like the question I posted recently. But I believe it's time tell a new story. Don't you?
View related questions:
lesbian, tattoo Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
female
reader, Princess_Rae  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Beauty,
It seems you are dancing the fine line. I know from experience that it will most likely lead to a disastrous result. On the one hand your family means a lot to you and you could end up distancing yourself from them by continuing to pursue the relationship. On the other, a lack of commitment on your end could distance yourself from the girl you suspect to be "the one". If anything you have the optimism to see that miracle situation where everything turns out right.
I do not know if anything has changed since you posted, but I am curious if you have talked with the girlfriend about what you are dealing with? I hope everything turns out well.
love,
Princess Rae
A
female
reader, Bibeauty +, writes (14 September 2010):
Bibeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks "Odds,"
Well, the thing is. I don't INTEND on doing anything! I would love to live and enjoy our relationship for as long as it stays enjoyable. However the act of being with her and having her be "the one" would mean an end to all communication with my family and a denouncement of my roots (according to my mother and sisters). For now, I simply cannot leave her out of the fear for what is to come. I also cannot promise her a life-long commitment. Isn't it only cruel if I know for SURE that I will leave her? Because, if things end up ok and by some stroke of magic my family learns to suck it up or refrains from disowning me completely, I would totally be with her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 "If (and I'm saying IF) I don't feel I can choose my girlfriend over my family and background, would staying with her as long as I can be cruel?"
Well, if you are certain that you will eventually leave her, it is cruel to drag the process out. You need to make up your mind as quickly as you can so you don't end up just using her for your emotional needs. It would be wasting her youth and building a greater emotional connection with the explicit intent of later breaking it.
Unless, of course, she's completely clear that you do not intend to be with her forever. I speak from experience here - the worst thing I've ever done to a girl was assume she understood our relationship was temporary. I was young and stupid, and it hurt her pretty badly. It still hurts me to think about doing that to her; don't end up the same way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bibeauty +, writes (12 September 2010):
Bibeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the intelligent response. You're absolutely right it IS a tribal thing. My mother tonight went on and on about how Jews are a minority and therefore must stick together and grow. She explained that if we were to all marry other cultures (especially ones known to not like us) we would eventually die out as a people. It seems unfair to put all that pressure on me and yet I see where she's coming from. Despite many Jewish mothers' demands, Jews are the group of people most likely to engage in interfaith marriage.
Here's the problem: As much as my mother AND sisters have reiterated their general opposing view of my relationship with my girlfriend, how choosing her is an act of abandoning my family, and that above all "they just want the best" for me; I just don't know how to leave her.
I have tried to bring myself to do it. I just, can't. I also don't know how I can leave my family and my roots behind to save my relationship for her. I don't think I would be able to leave my family since they are my one and only always-been-there support base.
If (and I'm saying IF) I don't feel I can choose my girlfriend over my family and background, would staying with her as long as I can be cruel?
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 September 2010):
Well, this is what happens when the tribal instinct kicks in. We all want to feel like part of a group, and we need the "other" to be outside of the group. Without exclusion, there is no group cohesion.
Certainly, stereotypes have their uses. Don't park your car in a bad neighborhood, don't flirt with straight members of your own gender, etc.. Where they become destructive is when we refuse to see the evidence that an individual does not conform to the stereotypes.
As a result, we treat all others like some monolithic force for some cause or another. Very few people have the stregth of will to treat everyone else as an individual, and fewer still have the strength to act as an individual in the face of criticism from their own group (or one close to it).
...............................
A
female
reader, Bibeauty +, writes (11 September 2010):
Bibeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying. I did not bring it up because I personally am bothered by it or that I think it changes me. I just think its important to note and remind myself and others to do their best to avoid identifying people through small boxed-in categories that segregate and isolate as well to not identify ourselves in that way. For example my dreadful introduction as "aspiring journalist." I simply believe that people need to recognize that their character transcends all of these narrow categorizations and embrace their individuality.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (11 September 2010):
Hi there. It's more important that you believe in yourself and who you are, and with total acceptance - unconditionally.
There will always be closed-minded people who like to pidgeon hole others, but don't worry about them - that's their problem, not yours.
It matters not, what other people or society thinks, it's totally irrelevant. It's not going to change who you are anyway.
Just as long as you are being true to yourself, and not pretending (just to please someone else), that is all that counts.
Be happy and live your life as it pleases you to. If it stops being fun (whatever "it" is), then stop doing it and do something else instead.
Take care and best wishes.
...............................
|
