A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. Well, I'm 31 and I've just found out I am pregnant. I am getting married in two months with a great guy who keeps telling me "I can't wait to marry you" and loves me to bits. He made it clear right from the start he didn't want kids- not now, maybe sometime in the future and that was fine with me. Well, turns out I am preggo (yes, we had "safe" sex, turns out it wasn't that safe...) and I really don't know how to tell him. I'm afraid he's just gonna walk away or have me have an abortion or stop loving me. Although I didn't plan on it, I am willing to keep the baby, but I am too scared to even think clearly. How does it work now? How do I tell him? What if he walks away or stops loving me? I am panicking here and my hands are shaking! Any ideas?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Well... you're now going to see what your "future hubby" is made of......
BUT, before all else, you have to sit down with him and tell him that you and he are going to be parents.... and "isn't that nice... though unexpected..."????
I hope you get a pleasant surprise and he sez, "Damn, that's pretty good...... Can't wait to continue this family-thing journey that you and I have started on....."
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Two months before you marry? You should be so strongly aligned already and be on the same page as each other, such that you CAN discuss anything with your man.
What attitudes and behaviours has be ever demonstrated to indicate that he is callous and unfeeling? If he has then why are you marrying him?
And if he has not demonstrated such unacceptable attitudes and behaviours then why are you demonstrating a lack of trust in him now?
These trust issues and these communication issues need to be resolved now. If they are unresolved then the problem will only get worse.
Have you discussed your attitudes to budgeting, planning ahead, spending and saving?
Being pregnant while almost about to get married is very very normal. Happens to many couples. You are in love. He wants to live his life with you by his side.
In those circumstances No honorable man is going to tell his future wife to not go ahead with the pregnancy.
Check out the marriage dates and the date the first child was born in the 1800s and the 1900s and you will find that often the baby is born anywhere from one month to six months after the marriage.
He has asked you to marry him so of course he loves you.
He will be delighted.
I read once that hundreds of years ago the woman in some rural areas were required to be pregnant before the man would marry her. The reasoning being that he needed heirs and so he needed confirmation that the woman was fertile.
Talk to you man. Open about your feelings, ambitions, the direction you think this relationship is going. Your attitudes to bringing up children. Don't wait until the problems balloons out of control before you tell each other about your hopes, dreams atc There should be NO secrets. I think you will find that, being an honorable man, that he wil be excited about these developments.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Well you have to tell him.
if you want to keep the baby then you will keep the baby
if he walks away then he's not an adult.
if he stops loving you then he never really loved you.
it takes two to make a baby...
you both are responsible.
but you must tell him, I mean after a while he's going to notice and if you don't tell him up front then the fact that you kept something so important from him will make it worse.
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