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Two lap-dances cost him $150. Now he feels guily, but I'm feeling hurt!

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Question - (29 May 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of 2 years recently went to a bucks night which ended up at a strip bar. He stayed later after everyone else left and had 2 lap dances with a stripper, which cost him about $150. This is a lot of money for him as he normally pretty tight. In these lap dances you can touch all of the stripper's body, except her pussy. I personally have a big dislike of strip bars for these very reasons, and find them morally degrading. He knows this but still had a lap dance. He feels guilty, but I was very angry and hurt, most of all I feel inadeqaute as I have only A cup breasts, and this stripper had breast implants!

Normally I feel like a beautiful person, but my boyfriend's strip club and porn habits do not improve my self esteem! What does this mean for our relationship, should I go elsewhere to a man who would appreciate me for what I have? Or is it just perfectly natural behaviour for a bloke? I don't think I should let him get away with this.

Please give an Australian girl some advice!

View related questions: breasts, lapdance, money, porn, self esteem, stripper

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A reader, star3482 +, writes (30 May 2005):

He's a cheeky sod - that's cheating! Groping another naked woman is cheating! I don't think he can justify it. Why dont you go to a male strip club and see how he likes it! I'd get rid honey!

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (30 May 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntIt sounds as if he really let you down on this one. If he already understood how you felt about strip joints and lap dances and yet did it anyway, it was pretty disrespectful to you. I understand your hurt.

However, in his defense, let's assume that your boyfriend is young and probably got caught up in the forbidden thrill. He might even have been gee'd up by some of his mates on the night. The fact that he was willing to part with a significant wad of cash suggests he just lost his self-discipline.

So, reconsider his actions in that light. Is this disappointment part of a greater trend of disrespect, or is it pretty much a one-off? What did he do when you told him you knew the details? Was he apologetic? Embarrassed? Indifferent? Angry?

If this is something he's completely unapologetic for, and you can see it happening again and again, I'd say, cut him loose and don't look back. Not so much for the indescretion, but for being so unconcerned about your reaction and your feelings.

But if this seems like something where he gave in just once to his baser instincts, even though he's generally a good man in other respects, I'd sigh and give him a purse-lipped look, but forgive him and move on.

Don't torture yourself about the size of the breasts of the dancer. Good on you for feeling that you're beautiful! Keep that feeling! Most probably, your bf would have ogled whatever was being jiggled in front of him, be it adorably-perky, little fried-egg boobies, or DDDD love-orbs. It's unlikely that there was much conscious thought in his brain at that moment... and even less likely that he was comparing your breasts unfavourably to hers. He was probably just thinking, "Oh maaaaaaaan!"

So give thought to all the circumstances of your relationship before you make any big decisions. Give him the benefit of the doubt, if you can. And if you can't, then don't waste your time with someone who won't show you respect.

Good luck.

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