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female
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*miseryx
writes: We were together for a month and things were great.He had to go away for 2 days to this church thing.I saw him 2 days before he left and everything was fine, he was very affectionate etc. Then he comes back and would barely talk to me. I finally confront him (in an IM because he won't ever answer the phone) and he says he did some thinking and decided he doesn't really need a girlfriend right now. Then he says he has to go. So I wait a few more days to see if he'll call and he doesn't, so I send him an email asking if he could please explain how his feelings could change so dramatically in a matter of days and how I don't care if he doesn't like me anymore, I just need to know what happened. And he still doesn't answer me. I know he got the email because in my mail you can tell when its been opened. Why would someone act like this, and how should I act if I see him? I know we'll be running into each other sooner or later. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): he was lovey-dovey before church event. he was prude after church event. sounds like you need to find yourself who isn't a religious nut. same thing happened to me - both ways (being a religious nut and now an athiest). sometimes things like that don't work out. good thing he let you go early before you got too attached. i'd walk away and find yourself someone that has more in commong with you.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Try not to get too bent out of shape. The boy doesn't owe you an explanation for his change of feelings and you can't demand one of him. It's possible he may not even know exactly what he's feeling, and therefore couldn't explain it anyway.
What's important is the message, and that's loud and clear: Sorry. It's over.
Look at it this way: you were dating for mere weeks, probably only a few times in those weeks. It isn't like you had time to invest time and love and "the best years of your life" in this short-lived romance. Like the huge majority of relationships you'll have in your life, you dated a few times and it didn't work out. So? You're acting like the Spurned Woman, here, and there really isn't any reason to.
Here's what I suspect happened at the "church thing". He went away, was surrounded by people of his particular faith, questioned heavily and intensively about his life, and there was a lot of pressure on him to dedicate himself (and possibly his chastity, depending on what flavour of church he goes to) to some god or other. He was probably threatened with holy hellfire and abomination for thinking impure (read: sexual) thoughts about girls.
He comes back home after being harangued by his church for several days, and realises that he has to keep his promise to the elders. Bingo. He's "done some thinking" and he doesn't "need a girlfriend". He's embarrassed, he's uncomfortable and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings... but in the final analysis, you were only dating for a few weeks anyway. So, he's made his choice: it's over.
With that scenario being the most likely one I can think of, your "confronting" him, and demanding a full account of every thought he had that led to breaking up with you wouldn't have been a very empathetic response, don't you agree? He probably felt pushed into breaking up
I think sometimes you just have to accept statements at face value. He's not interested right now. Your emailling him and contacting him, wanting details, just isn't warranted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): Sorry to hear that he dropped you so suddenly.A month is really a very brief amount of time to be dating someone.It could well be that being away at the church meeting in a different geographic location (presumably) for a couple of days gave him a different perspective and a chance to reflect on his life.Understand that I'm not saying that he "met" someone there, nor am I saying that anything said to him, or the content of the meeting sessions necessarily influenced him - let me put that another way: what I mean is that I seriously doubt if anybody "told" or even hinted to him that he should not have a girlfriend.Yes, he was rather abrupt with you. Just the bare facts: done some thinking, decided he doesn't need a girlfriend right now. It may be that he can't put into words just what he experienced, but is still "processing" it. He knows you would like an explanation, and I think you DO care if he doesn't like you any longer.I wouldn't send any more IMs or emails at present. If you do run into him at some point, just be pleasant "hi, how are you?" sort of thing, but no more than that! If at such a time he feels he wants to tell you more about why he feels the way he does, it will be up to him. If not, all you can do is leave it alone. You've already done what you can.
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