A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a huge problem on my hands. This is a long story but I will try to make it short so you get the idea.My bf and I of just over 3 years split for a little while, during that split he started dating several other women, I dated someone myself. We decided we didn't want to be apart from each other anymore and got back together, however he never stopped the other relationships. When I brought this to his attention, of course he denied it at first, but then admitted to it. He and I have mended things and are taking another stab at our relationship.Problem I am having is with trust. I know he is still lying to me and has not stopped the other relationships. He claims he is done with the others, but all signs lead to that not being true (they are obvious signs). I have given up all contact with the opposite sex to show him how committed I am to making this work.My question is what to do from here? Yes, I love this man with everything in me and I have dealt with lots of his lies and deception before. How do you stop loving someone that has all your heart and soul? How do you walk away from someone when it hurts so damn bad? I am confused on what to do at this point, I know he will never stop. If losing me was not enough to make him stop the lying and cheating, I don't know what will! Am I the fool in all of this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the great advice. More evidence was presented to me again. I mean this stuff keeps pouring in. I have decided to just go my own way. Its not going to stop, you are right. I can't live this way for the rest of my life and I know I deserve someone who knows what being honest and faithful and loving is all about. Again, I want to thank you all for the help and support. This is going to be very rough and he is not going to make things easy on me, even today he was still lying to me about the other women. For my own sanity I have decided to just leave him in the dust on this. Not worth it anymore. Yes, it hurts, but I have a feeling he is going to be easier to get over than I originally thought, cause the next lie he tells or the cheating he does, IT WON'T BE TO ME!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): I agree with Gina although if you speak to him he may just lie or tell you what you want to hear. I think you are giving him too much power here and he knows it! Maybe for him it is too much for you to ask him to stop. There are just some people who cant be faithful for the life of them. I know a guy like that, he admittedly will never be faithful. He says he has an 'illness' or an 'addiction'. Either way your guy has to be the one to decide he is going to stop all this and if he is still hurting you then he is no where near that decision right now. So you have to be the one to decide to walk away. I know it will be hard especially if you share children. But ask yourself this, do you want to feel this way for the rest of your life? Because as I said in an earlier post to you, as long as you let him he will continue to do this to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update on the situation:I have sat, cried, been angry, you name the emotions i have run through them all at this point and still no closer to a conclusion than i was before. its tearing me apart inside. is it too much to ask for him to stop doing me wrong and hurting me? i feel like he wants to keep me around to either keep hurting me and make me suffer or until he really makes up his mind. i cant wait around forever for that and i dont think he should force me to do so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): you'll get tired sooner or later...don't be so down on yourself...im going through some of the same and ive tried to leave him so many times and keep returning...
it feels kind of hopeless sometime...but we'll make it through...they think that just because they make you their "#1" that it stops the pain. but the truth is it doesn't because we still feel that they'd rather be with another woman than just with "#1".
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Sweetheart he will do this to you over and over for as long as you let him. You have to ask yourself what hurts more? To not have him or to have him and KNOW he makes love to other women then comes home to you like nothing. He has lied obiously and will continue to do so. I feel for you I really do. I wish you luck, let us know how it goes or what you decide to do.
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