A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i've recently started to see this guy who i adore he is 33 and i'm 25 we slept together for the first time a few weeks ago and he was a little nervous.. so one minute he had an erection then it would go this would happen through out the night we would have intercourse and the erection would go again.. we put it down to nerve'snow we are sleepin together i was a liittle embarresd of doing it again due to me thinking it was my fault that he could not keep and erection i was try fore oral kissing efection but once we would get to intercourse erection go'sand last week it happened again i new he was turnt on so was i we were playin havin fun kissin tryin to take his mind off the nerves he had the erection but found that he could not ejaculate he got very frustrated i find it very hard what to say as i was upset thinking its me he says it's not and deep down i dont think it is but its hard not to think that is there anything i can do? i do say not to worry lets not make an issue out of try and put his mind at ease he is scared he will loose me cause of this problem and he wont but without sounding greedy but i am a sexualiy active women.. he has not been with many women 2 or 3 and has not slept with anyone for 4 years untill me a few month's ago .. could this be it? im tryin really hard not to be selfish i love him to bits .. i just dont no how to helpso please anyone who can help me help him would be very much gratefull
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male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (29 April 2009):
 I agree with previous posters, performance anxiety seems to be the problem. He is now most likely worried that it will happen again. I would advise foreplay to not only get him aroused but taking it slow will help ease tension.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): It's something that happens to every man once in a while, and every woman on the receiving end thinks it could be something to do with her, but let me reassure you it's got nothing to do with you as such.
It's called performance anxiety and is a vicious circle. He loses his erection once, and the next time he has sex he worries it might happen again, which actually causes it to happen again.
You're approching the situation the right way by telling him not to worry about it - rolling over in a huff would make it ten times worse.
For the next few weeks, or however long it takes, just have a kiss and a cuddle, preferably naked, and tell him that's all you want and you're not looking to have sex (even if you are) and things should improve. Even if he wants to get inside you, tell him you only want a kiss and a cuddle and a good old fondle. Basically, take the pressure off him and your love life will soon get back on track. All he needs is one good session without losing his erection and his confidence will be restored, he'll stop worrying about it and all will be well again. Half the time it's a subconscious thing but the result is the same.
If it's not sorted out within about a month, it might be worth having him checked out by the doc to see if there are any other issues involved like high blood pressure for instance. Certain medicines can have an adverse effect too, particularly those for high blood pressure(!), so if he's on anything like that different pills can be prescribed.
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