A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some major help. I'm torn between two wonderful men. The first one I'll call him Fred and the other I'll call Matt. Fred and I have been together for 11yrs. I love him so much. We've been through so much. But a couple of years ago my father passed away and he wasn't ther for me. I felt alone. I've always been by his side. He was sick I stayed home and took care of him.I wanted him to know I was there for him. But I didn't get the same respect from him. Even sex was hard. There was no emotion no passion. Its like he just wanted to make sure he got his and wasn't to worry about me. I hated it and would avoid it. In front of friends he always made me sound like a bad GF. It made feel low and worthless. Plus he loves to remind me how I need to work out. Don't wrong at the same time he was a good men he has his good and bad days.I met Mat a few months ago he's younger then me but acts very mature for his age. Mat and I started talking and he was filling that emotional void I needed. We ended up having sex and I was awsome, I felt things I've never felt before! He made me so wanted loved and pretty. He treats me like a queen. And when ever I need something he gets it and I don't have to worry about paying back. W/fred I do. I don't know what to do fred wants to work things out. But my heart isn't there anymore. and it hurts to knw I might hurt him and break his heart. And it makes it hard to move on. How do I get through this? And is Matt the right one? I feel things for him I've never felt before. Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for you advice. Just to clear things up Fred & I are not together & we haven't going on a year now. So I'm not cheating on him. I met Matt after we broke up. I have spent plently of days w/him so I've seen his ways on a day to day life, but you are right we still are on a honeymoon state. Even of its been 8mnths. Fred & I have gotten together here & ther but he has our dogs we got together. & I can't have them or one of them. there to close to seprate.
And ur right I can't see myself w/him. thanks for the advise
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for you advice. Just to clear things up Fred and I are not together and we haven't going on a year now. So I'm not cheating on him. I met Matt after we broke up. I have spent plently of days w/him so I've seen his ways on a day to day life, but you are right we still are on a honeymoon state. Even of its been 8mnths. Fred and I have gotten together here and there but he has our dogs we got together. And I can't have them or one of them. there to close to seprate.And ur right I can't see myself w/him. thanks for the advise
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 May 2010):
I think Matt is your escape. Your heart isn't with Fred at all, so it's best to leave him. Yes it will hurt him and break his heart, but if he finds out you've been cheating on him, then you'll feel worse and he really will hate you for it even more. He has to be allowed to move on. As for Matt, you've been having sex with him, but you've not really got to know him other than when there are good times for you both. So only time will tell. But do end it with Fred. He's not the one and you know it.
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female
reader, rainbowmaker +, writes (8 May 2010):
 I hate it when i have a partner that doesnt support me emotionally. It's horrible, you end up feeling like your giving everthing and getting nothing in return. Everyone has there faults but it sounds like "fred" started taking you for granted.
You basically answered your own question though, your hearts just not in it any more so why carry on? Why stay with someone that is clearly quite selfish and doesnt care about your needs? I'm not saying that mat is going to turn out any better but he may just be the thing you need to get over fred.
11 years is a long time to be with someone but if its just not right then its just not right. Simple. take with you what good memories you have of your time together, learn from your mistakes (letting someone treat you like this) and move on. Do what makes you happy.
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female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (8 May 2010):
 You have been with Fred for so long that you did not realize that he was not an ideal man. An ideal man does not have sex with you for his pleasure only. That's a big one right there. An ideal man does not tell you that you are a bad GF in front of friends. An ideal man does not tell you that you need to workout! Of course Fred wants to work it out - you were willing to put up with his abusive tendencies - he's not likely to find another GF to do that! So you see dear Fred is now "wonderful." If he was you would not have gotten into a relationship and had sex with Matt. End it for good with Fred. Matt sounds like a dream of a man....see what happens
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