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male
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*HOward
writes: I been living with someone for 10 years. the short version is that our sex life was non-existent. I complain to her to no avail. I met a young beautiful woman and was smitten right away, one thing let to another and she is now pregnant(I feel I was trapped but I own up to my part) IM stilling living with my girl friend and have yet to tell her.Other than the lack of sex she is a wonderful girl and do want to be with her. The problem is that I love both but for different reasons. I change my mind daily and its driving me nuts. I know I need to man up but how do I do it without hurting two people who dont deserve to be hurt. My biggest problem is that I feel like she will not let me be a part of the baby's life if I dont choose her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): The truth hurts like hell. You are a cheating Pig. Take your punishment and get on with it. You want an easy solution to this. The best thing would of been if she hadn't fell pregnant or even got an abortion. Then it would of stayed nice and cosy for you. You have to tell your gf, and i can bet she isn't too chuffed! She will probably take the decision out of your hands and finish with you, then you can go onto happy families with your new love.
You shouldn't of been cheating for a start. You were probably not even trying to get your gf in the mood for sex, then you go off with someone younger, lovely!!! What happened to safe sex? What if she had a disease or worse? You now have a child on the way. Your first priority has to be the child.
You have learned, i hope, a major lesson.
I hope you can work this out, but your girlfriend has been hurt so badly don't expect her to go on with you.
take care x
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (21 November 2006):
 You may not be torn between two girls after you tell one of them you have been cheating on them...your live-in partner may walk away. There is nothing you can really do to rescue the situation except to be honest with both of them. The new girl may feel vulnerable as she is pregnant and will need your support no matter what you decide about the relationship. She won't be able to deny you access to the baby as the courts can rule on that but there is a difference between being a father to the child and a partner to your new girl. Perhaps you don't need either of them in your life romantically at the moment as you sound mixed up about it. You say your live-in girl wasn't giving you sex so you went elsewhere...surely there must have been more problems than that in the relationship? You cannot blame the cheating on that factor alone. I think your live-in girl may react badly when you tell her about the new girl+baby and, even though you need to do it, she may decide to leave you anyway so the decision will be made for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): All i can say is that you are going to loose one of them!!!When you and your girlfriend met i bet the sex was great as is with all couples, you should have tried talking to her before jumping in bed with this other girl. I dont think you love this new girl i do think its just sex, you better tell you gf because she will find out. If i found out my bf done this to me i would be out of there so fast. U made your bed so luy in it now and face up to it. You have a baby to think about now!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): I know you might think there is no way forward but what you must understand is that its only you that can sort things out. all you needed to do was stop the realtionship with your current partner before you deicided to start another relationship because it still stands as cheating, and greed. not because you and your partner wasn't sleeping together was a problem and that bother you so much and you tried everything possible to help you both, then you should of sat her down and lay the problems out making sure u hint the fact the fact that you are no longer happy staying in a non sexual relationship before you just jump into bed with another person because you'll only take all that burden to the next person. Everything is about choices you chose to sleep with this other women unprotected(iam not getting at you) so you just have to bring everyting out in the open so you give your partner a choice to stay and try make a go of it or to cut her losses, because the new baby coming to this world needs stability.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): Well she technically can't NOT let you be a part of YOUR baby's life. You can take her to court for that if it becomes an issue. As far as you and your partner, if she still wants to stay with you when you tell her the truth then you two could go to a sex doctor or something like that to enhance your sex life. Don't think for one minute that because someone is having your baby means you owe them a relationship. You owe her to be a good dad but you didn't commit to a relationship and you don't have to.
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