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Torn between 2 girls and really confused

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 4 December 2009)
A male Philippines age 30-35, *onfused_boi writes:

I'm on a dilemma of 2 girls, I know what I'm doing is bad. The thing is, we've been going out for 4years and 5mos. of my current Girlfriend. apparently way back before I met her, I had this girl whom I'm supposed to be with, I courted her dated her and we we're like couples already, the sad part came when her best friend which used to be my band mate suddenly told me she is dating someone else that time communication is very hard in my country 6 years ago.. I wanted to confront but I know I don't want to be hurt about the truth and knowing I don't have the right to ask her that, I ran away, fled and by myself I started to hate her, she never did call me too she has this pride of not letting the guy feel that she likes him. A year after I was ok already forgot about her I did all that I could to erase her in my mind I met this girl in college we dated and eventually turned into a relationship, we were more than OK but after my graduation my former bandmate told me that he lied about what he told me and the reason behind it is because she liked the girl, now I was shocked but I didn't act that way I pretend to laugh but then as I got home I started thinking again, saw our photos together I tried my best to find her in all social networking sites hoping she will have a profile there, but after months of secretly looking for her, I never got to see her. we recently had our 4th year anniversary me and my Girlfriend. The very confusing part came when my former bandmate helped me locate her since the were bestfriends before he told me she had been single all these years and never had a guy in her life yet, I don't know if I'll ever believe that, he provided me her number and told me it's his way of saying sorry and making it up to me.

I finally got to contact the girl, she was different she was kind of a nagger she never entertained much of my messages she told me she's not interested in text mates, after a week I got finally got the guts to tell her it was me, after I told her that, it was a long interval she replied to me and said, "I'm sorry if I didn't reply on your message last week, I was shocked that you wanted to text me after leaving without saying anything" and as I replied, I told her that his bestfriend was the one responsible for what happened, and what my former bandmate told me turns out that it was also the same story the he told her, she replied "she told me you found the one you really wanted and said you were laughing at me cause you fooled me, I hated you all those years and now I have to find out that it was all I lie."

then she called me at exactly 10:30pm crying saying "why do you have to come back?, I was happy with my life waiting for someone who can erase the wounds you've caused" after a long conversation, she admitted that she was waiting for me all along. she told me that he knew one day we will see each other again.

she said she turned down all the guys that want to date her cause she still has hopes for me.

I'm not sure whether to tell her that I already have a girlfriend.

She asked me if I can meet her after her ramp, I was shocked cause I never thought she would turn out to be a model. Back then she was so conservative and that she always wants to wear anything that could hide her skin.

she was still skeptic about my story that is why we decided to ask her bestfriend(which is my former band mate). The guy agreed but she don't want her to be mad at him.

Things finally cleared out, when the girl asked me if we could continue what we did before. I was scared that maybe she just wants revenge thinking she really didn't believe what her friend told us and the major fact that I have this girlfriend I've been with for the past 4years.

We secretly dated for 3mos. I felt like I was pulled back into the past that my feelings were so alive the day like the day we dated before, she admitted that she is so happy to see me again and said that she doesn't want the things that happened to happen again.

for the first time in my life I never felt happier, I know its wrong that's why one the 100th day of our date, I told her the truth that I already got a girlfriend which really shattered her emotions and started to cry. I told her I'm sorry but what I felt was real, I'll admit I still love this girl and my girlfriend I love her too, that is why its so hard for me to choose between them, she said she can't bear of letting me go again she but she can't live with the fact that she's just the other girl.

I really am confused since I've never been in this kind of situation before. I want to choose but I want to find out the right decision or any advice you can give me, I know when my current Girlfriend finds out, she'll be devastated and it'll break her heart, she already talks about us being married and so is this girl. this girl kept the bracelet I gave her when we were dating. she didn't throw it.. I'm really confused... I'm not after looks since both are really equal I'm not after about their jobs since they both are on par, I'm not after lust or anything, I just want to know what to do.

both their parents know about my existence the thing is that other girl's parents are nicer than my girlfriend's parents. I know it's a little early for me to say that the past girl's feelings are true, but after what her parents told me that its the first time she brought a guy home to introduce. I know what I'm doing is wrong I just want to know how.

thank you very much. (sorry if its too long.)

View related questions: anniversary, best friend, my ex, revenge, text

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A female reader, EmmaleeDrew United States +, writes (4 December 2009):

First off, no matter which you choose, you need to choose. Handling them both hurts.

Second, I suggest completely observing everything that goes on during one day of being with each. How many times does she make you laugh? Make you mad? Make you excited? Etc.

You may be surprised of just how obvious the answer is. :)

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