A
female
age
36-40,
*arah.m623
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year this summer. We are both in our late twenties. When we met, I knew he was different. We both have talked about this is the best relationship we’ve ever been in, and basically from the very start, we envisioned a future together. When we first started dating, he told me that he had trouble balancing a relationship and friendships in the past, and that he was the “girlfriend kind of guy” that would end up falling out of touch with all his friends when he was in a relationship. He told me that it was important to him that he not act like this anymore. I fully respected this, because I never had trouble balancing the two in my life – my friendships are also very important to me. As a result, we ended up having a “date night” on Friday nights, and Saturday nights he set aside for his guy’s night.Flash forward to now, about a year later. He plays on an adult sports league with his guy friends two nights a week and still has a weekend guy’s night. We see each other two nights a week (one during the week after work and Friday night) while he sees his friends three nights a week. We both talk about how we are in love and want a future together, but I guess I thought we’d be getting closer at this point in our relationship. He’s still completely regiment about his guy’s nights, too, and won’t tell them no, even if he doesn’t really want to go out. If I get invited to a party, or out with other couples on a night that happens to fall on guy’s night (even if him and his friends don’t have set plans for something specific), I know I’m going alone. His friends also have a big group text, and text and call him all the time, even when they know we are together. Last week, he had to stop by my house really quick to drop something off to me on a random weeknight. He had plans with his friends to go out to eat later that night I guess, and when they found out he stopped over my place, they called him to remind him that its “friends night.” They are easily more clingy than any girlfriend could ever be. I told him that while I think he’s doing a great job of maintaining friends, I feel like I’m kind of paying for mistakes made in his past relationships. I also told him that I don’t feel like our time should be so structured – our two night a week arrangement sort of makes me feel like a calendar item and not a girlfriend. He agreed with me, but then this weekend, it happened again. I went to a family cookout, while he went to the bar with his friends that he had just seen three nights in a row.So now I feel like our relationship is at a stand-still. I also think that hanging with friends and significant others doesn’t have to be as structured as he’s making it – I know the importance of maintaining other relationships in your life is important, but we also aren’t in high school/college anymore. At some point, I would assume that significant others do become the priority relationship, right? I guess my question is, do I bring this up again? I don’t want to come off as a nag, especially since I already brought it up, but I feel kind of neglected.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2015): Yeah I would be pretty annoyed if I'd got tickets for a gig or something on a sat (which they always are) and boyf blew me off because 'every sat must be friend night' that is just lame.
Why does it all have to be scheduled in this regimented way? Would it matter if he saw you a few more week nights and friends at weekend, then another week spend all weekend with you and see them several week nights?
I guess you will have to discuss with him, but if his friends are going to be clingy because of what he did before that is not your problem. I can't see why he can't be more flexible on this. If he can't be more adaptable maybe he's not the right guy for you. I know I like to do things on saturdays lol
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2015): You need to talk to him, I love hanging out with my friends I usually do twice a week but I do have to consider my boyfriend, I will make sure we have no plans before saying yes to my girlfriends In a relationship its all about considering the other person and although I love my friends and I would never ditch them just because i have a boyfriend if I had to choose whose feelings matter more to me it would be my boyfriend If my boyfriend sed ur never going to see me on a Saturday night and only fridays I would be very annoyed and he would know it, the difference is though I know my boyfriend would do something about it to make me happy
...............................
|
