A
male
age
51-59,
*ornlove
writes:My girlfriend of four years planned our breakup two months before I was to take a work related trip to Italy.We spent Christmas and the night before I left together.We exchanged gifts made love, and I looked into her eyes to say to her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her.She held me and told me that she loved me,too, and she'd be waiting for me to return.Not long after I arrived, she stopped calling,then she tossed me aside,I didn't have any idea this was happening.She never spoke with me again, never saw me when I returned, and has since January ignored me as if I never existed.How am I to deal or come to grips with this?I never was given a chance to talk to her again,or any explanation.She was one of the greatest parts of my life, and it's gone.I'm devastated, and three months later I still can't wrap my thoughts around it. Thinking about it makes me cry, and the hurt will not subside.Whats wrong with me? She went out of her way to devastate me, in a brutal and cold way.I'm having a rough time and i'd like some input or just someone to listen.Thank you Mike.
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male
reader, tornlove +, writes (27 April 2007):
tornlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the very heartfelt answers. I'll try to explain or answer the new questions as they pop up.
Yes, I was to be away for 2.5 months working for a 1 star michelin chef in a small town outside of Alba.This was something most american chefs never get to do.We talked about the time away,and she was very supportive, she is a pastry chef, and knew what a great opportunity this was.I was to find out later that she was thinking about using this time away to sever relations with me. This is part of what really hurt me, she did this in such a way that I couldn't be there at my own breakup. There was a nine hour time diff. no internet,no land based phone, no way for her to see the shock and pain that I was in. She did this is in a way I never thought possible given the type of relationship I thought we had.Its like those 4 years mean nothing because I don't know where the love part stopped for her, was it two months before i left, or two years. I am left feeling that I didn't know this women in the way I wished I had. It seems like a huge lie, and that the last 4 years meant nothing to her. I loved her with every ounce of being and to go from that to how i feel now is the hardest most empty time.
Thank you for everything, I've got to take a break for a little bit.
A
female
reader, XXpussycatXX  +, writes (27 April 2007):
you have done all you can and you need to let her go you need to get on with it and enjoy yourself meet some one new i know that you loved her dearly but she making it impossible for you to explain sorry i cant help much more i know it hard
good luck
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A
female
reader, Rock chick +, writes (27 April 2007):
Were you away long? if so maybe she just couldn't handle someone who has to travel alot with work and felt it was the easiest thing for her to do (albeit a bit cowardly).
My partner has almost finished working away and to be honest, it has been awful. I Know he will be going off again and I am thinking to myself, can i handle it again...maybe, she felt the same?.
I know it doesn't help not having her to talk to, maybe you could write her a letter explaining how you feel/felt...
.
whilst my partner is away he never answers his cell phone when i ring him. I know you aren't him, but did you do that?
I know i am coming in from her point of view possibly - and i don't want you to feel worst than you are. It will get easier (the loss) and you seem to have a great deal going for you.
Jx
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