A
female
age
,
*oosin it
writes:Here's my situation. My bf and I have been together for 3 years. We're both in our mid 40's so it's not like we're young and inexperienced with life. We've both been married before and I have kids. I feel it's time to step up the relationship and perhaps get engaged. He doesn't want to and says he is doesn't want to get married to a woman who doesn't trust him. OK, I don't trust him because I feel he is still looking hence the reason why he doesn't want to get engaged. I would trust him and our relationship more if he would just commit. We have been arguing about this for a month now and is breaking us. Please help.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (16 February 2010):
3 years is a long time to be dating at your age. I would ask for a break just to think through your life and reassess your priorities. The key is that you don't make it appear as though you are threatening him or being ugly in any way. On the contrary, you have to be friendlier, sexier and happier during this period. No sex at all. Perhaps he might start to fear that he is losing a good thing and step up. In my case, I told my boyfriend from the beginning that I am a settling down person and if he wasnt interested in a future commitment then let's end it now. Didn't say it in an ugly way; in fact u was smiling and looking particularly hott that day. Don't be reluctant to ask for what you want; just remember to bait him, not fight him and cause the whole idea of marriage to be a negative thing. In fact, seeing as its become a sore point, leave it alone for a couple of months then just when he is enjoying your love and attention, spring the taking a break issue.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Whoa. You're putting him in an impossible situation here. I'm sorry to say but he is right. If you don't trust him, then it's not worth getting engaged. Look at it from his point of view for a moment. You don't trust him, yet you say if he marries you, that you will. First of all he will think you're trying to trap him, secondly he will be terrified that you won't trust him after you get married (which you won't. A ring on a finger won't make a difference to how you feel about him looking). He is committed. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be with you. The ring proves nothing if you don't trust him. You need to learn to trust him before you can marry him. If he does have a roaming eye (which I don't think he does), that ring won't prove anything. If you can't trust him, then end it.
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