A
female
age
36-40,
*onksDaBomb
writes:I really like this one guy and I honestly think he likes me back but we're both very shy so nobody has made a move. The problem is the age difference is quite high (34 years - yes, I know, but we get along so well). The age difference honestly doesn't bother me; it might for him, I don't know.Anyway (I'm getting off topic here) I know for a fact that if we ever did try a relationship, it would devastate my parents - I'm not exaggerating here. I am very close with my parents, my mom especially, and I know that they will not like this relationship AT ALL! But I really like him and like being around him. I'm also an adult now; they have no authority over what I can and can't do anymore.So any parents here - how would you react if your daughter was seeing/dating a much older man? The guy is also one of my former college teachers, which may make matters worse. But I just really like being with him; he's fun to be around and I enjoy his company. I'm just trying to get a parental advice that is not from my own parents.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (22 March 2009):
MonksDaBomb is verified as being by the original poster of the question He is 34 years old than I am and, no, I am not "immensely attracted" to a child/parent relationship. I had a very nice childhood so I do not have any "daddy issues."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Wait - is he 34 years old or 34 years older than you?
I can speak a bit from experience here as I dated a lot of older men in my time. When I was younger, I thought this somehow made me more sophisticated, somehow more advanced than my peers, that I could handle a more mature man and therefore, somehow, a more mature relationship. This is categorically untrue. Everyone says it, but age really is just a number - but that means 60 year olds can be immature too.
I think personally that 34 years is too much. The generational gap is just too big and I think it would inevitably (if not already) gravitate to being a more child/parent situation than adult/adult. That might seem immensely attractive to you right now, but it is not healthy. You will begin to feel stunted and start to resent him, he will get frustrated with you. It's important in relationships to approach from solid, common ground, and this gets really hard with someone who is old enough to be your father!
A lot of these social taboos are in place for good reason (not all, though, ha!) and I think you should give this another think. Besides, you don't even know if this guy wants to have a relationship at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): I have sons, no daughters, but I would NOT be happy at all. Relationships are about balance. Such a relationship someone 34 years your senior inherently is not going to be a balanced relationship. There are rare exceptions, but you should go through life with someone who can experience life's joys together, at the same stage. Listen to your mother. Mothers are almost always right.
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