A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm tired of playing the field now. I want to be with one person and actually have a good long lasting, loving relationship. I talked to a friend told her about this guy I've been talking to and everything has been good. Me and him somehow have been talking about our sex lives-I'm not sure if that's normal for people who are in the process of dating. But anywho, compared to his sex life it seems as if I wouldn't be any different to him. He told me he's had threesomes,foursomes and an orgy which made me grossed out a bit. He use to live in Europe, and he told me that lifestyle in Europe is pretty common. I don't know what to do. My friend told me that he doesn't seem like boyfriend material, but apart of me wants to put that behind me and give it a shot. I really like him and want to be with him. Would that be a stupid move? He's really a great person it's just his sex life seems a little over rated to me. All I've ever had was one threesome, and It wasn't really serious. Actually it was horrible, and I wouldn't like to experience that ever again. I feel like if we ever did have sex, it wouldn't be special. Or I wouldn't feel special, because he's done so much things with other girls. I don't want him to loose interest in me sexually. I really like this guy. Guys who have a crazy sex life, are they able to settle down with one girl? He told me he has been in a long relationship and it lasted three years, but what if I'm not exciting enough for him. I don't want to be just that boring girl that only uses the bed(although that is the best and most used spot for the intimate secssion). I actually want to be different, I want him to remember me and all of our moments together. I've never met this guy before, but he sounds like a dream that has come true.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Listen, what is to REALLY LIKE ABOUT this guy? He is gross, he is into group sex, that isn't going to change because you want to tie him down.
No it is not normal to be so intimate and talk about your sex lives this early on before you even start dating. This tells me he is only intersted in having sex with you and possibly controlling you and introducing you to sexual acts that you don't like or agree with. You already found out once through stupid young girl decision making (sorry, but it was an inexperienced girl making that decision) that it was "horrible" your words, not mine.
Learn from your mistakes, this man is not appropriate for you. Don't decide on letting him get into your heart and mind because you are lonely, tired of dating at the very old age of 18 to 21, and want to settle down with one man at all costs. It is tragic that you feel this way at your age.
Please take a look at this article written by a an expert in the field of pathology and how women make dating mistakes, I think you need to read this article a couple of times until it sinks in.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-spot-a-man-before-you-get.html
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 August 2010):
So are you actually having sex with each other at the moment, or just talking about your own sex lives?
I tend to feel that if someone is into multiple sex partners at one time, how could they ever settle for one only?
It would even feel as if he would always need someone else on the side as well as you, or he wouldn't be happy. Even if you and him got together as a couple, he might still have the group sex thing when he's not with you - just to satisfy that apparent need. That would lead to not being able to trust him. You would certainly have doubts. For any relationship to last, there must be a healthy level of trust between you.
If you are thinking of getting together as a couple, you will need to have a chat with him about this or it just won't work - you'll always be wondering.
Good luck. Best Wishes.
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