A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:From what I can tell, my problem is me. I'm a twenty-one year old virgin, who is terrified of not only relationships, but sex in general. If I ever think about sex, I get uncomfortable thoughts and feel odd. As if the thought of being intimate with someone sickens me. I really don't know what to make of it. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): I have a sister that hates to be touched, but she is still young so I'm not really condoning the whole being touched yet, but I think as she gets older one day she will grow out of it or maybe it won't be until she finds the one. Who knows everybody moves @ their own paces. I'm 21 years old & didn't start dating until I was out of high school. I had to ask my Boyfriend after 2 weeks of dating when he was going to kiss me. He told me he never tried out of respect for me. Which is really sweet. We have been together 3 1/2 years nows. He's my first & will be my last.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 June 2012):
 Then just go slow. There is no real hurry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not against being touched. I'm not the most comfortable with it, but I don't shy away from it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 June 2012):
Yes, I think you are over-thinking it.
It can seem a bit daunting to have sex or be intimate with another person. That is why it's always a good idea to go slow. When you met a girl and you start dating, you start out with a kiss, a hug, a cuddle and work your way up from there. In a way that you are BOTH comfortable with.
There is a lot more to relationships then sex.
DO you have aversions to being touched? I mean a pat on the back, a rub on the arm, a hug?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 Yes, you are overthinking it. It's normal- to some extent - being intimidated by any new experience. Probably yours is just shyness, or performance anxiety, or not feeling good about your body and looks - or a combination of all that.
Are you a self confident person in everyday's life and social situations ? I guess not too much, uh ?
Don't worry, and don't focus strictly on having sex or showing yourself naked or performing sexual acts.
Focus on approaching girls, and developping friendships and relationships, and hopefully mutual feelings of affection, and, at some point, everything will just... happen, naturally and spontaneously, without having to force yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, but I don;t think I'm asexual. I'm attracted to girls, it's just the thought of being naked and in such close proximity to someone else intimidates me. Am I over thinking it?
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (2 June 2012):
 It's possible that you may be asexual, or of the asexual spectrum, or you may have some type of sexual phobia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotophobia
http://www.asexuality.org/home/
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A
male
reader, downonmyluck +, writes (2 June 2012):
hi,just to let you know your feelings are pretty normal.I went thru the same thing,so know what you;re going thru. Not sure here if you;re shy or not, but if you can find a way of getting over your shyness will certainly be of help. I got over mine by working with the public.I think you need to work on getting yourself comfortable with having a relationship lst. with a girl, rather than concentrating on the sexual aspect of a relationship.But just don't give up on thinking about sex..For a guy to think about sex is very normal. And in time you'll realize the relationship & sex will go hand-in -hand.When the time comes though on having sex with someone just be very sure to protect yourself for 2 reasons. One being to prevent any unwanted pregnancies(if that's the case) & to protect yourself against the threat of picking up any unwanted diseases.If you're both clean you won't have anything to worry about.But it comes down to a question of trust. Can you trust her to be clean, & can she trust you to be clean.Which it sounds like in your case, you'd defintely be clean,but she may not know that! And remember you'll probably be a bit nervous the lst time around not knowing exactly what to do, but that will come in time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): It really sounds like you have some sort of phobia, maybe-Erotophobia -- the fear of sexual love or sexual abuse;-Genophobia/Coitophobia -- the fear of sexual intercourse;or maybe, but probably not,-Soteriophobia -- fear of dependence on others.I'm sorry that you have to go through that, because being in a relationship can be a wonderful feeling. There is nothing to be afraid of, but I know telling you that isn't just going to make it go away. I would suggest maybe talking to a doctor about it and looking into medicine or therapy. It is a serious thing to be that afraid of something. It's no joke. I feel for you that you have to go through that. Therapists should definitely be able to help. I hope this gave you some good insight. I'm sure you could look up any of those phobias and see if it fits you correctly, because I am not in your mind, I can't tell you what you are feeling. Hope I helped some. Good luck.
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