A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm at my wit's end right now. For the past month and a half, I thought everything was fine between my boyfriend and I but thoughts of a past crush have once again crept into my head! Here's a little history....I have asked for advice in the past about my four year relationship being on the rocks because of a crush I had re-developed on a childhood schoolmate. My boyfriend never knew about these feelings because he was and still is so good to me and I know it would tear him apart. The main issue that I have with my boyfriend is the fact that he has commitment issues when it comes to thoughts of settling down, marrying and starting a family. I think the future terrifies him yet I'm the kind of person that needs to think and plan before I make decisions in life.The advice I was given was to do my best to work things out with my bf and forget someone who I barely know as the person he is now...good stuff. BUT NOW, after a month and a half of bliss, when everything seemed to be right with us (though those commitment issues haven't been solved), thoughts of the other guy are coming back and I don't know what to do. So once again please help!!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 February 2009):
It's perfectly natural when you are unhappy in a relationship to dream of your perfect guy. This isn't ACTUALLY your schoolmate you are dreaming of, it's just that your brain has given him his face.
You'll keep having these thoughts because your subconscious is trying to warn you that you are unhappy with the way things are and that maybe there is a better guy out there for you.
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you need to know if he is going to mess you about forever or whether at some point he is going to grow some balls and be able to make a decision of his own about his future with you.
I'm a big fan of the "don't know what you've got till it's gone" cure for commitment issues:
Ask him straight, do you think we'll get married in the next 5 years? And if he tries to make an excuse or avoid the answer, then just say, I'm sorry but that's not good enough. Then walk out of the house. After a week of you not returning calls and ignoring him, he'll be begging you to come back, and if he's not then you know you were wasting your time anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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